10 Reasons To Watch Grown Ups

I know I saw this when it came out on DVD, but I didn’t think too hard about it, because I was concerned about the closure of DVD rental stores, and then it was over and I was a little stupider. However, I just found it in a $2 bin and gave it a look, and hey, you know what? Pretty terrible.

There are, however, some good points.

• 10. It reunites early-90s SNL superstars Adam Sandler, David Spade, Rob Schneider, Chris Rock and Chris Farley in an improv-fuelled exploration of what it means to get older, fatter, slower and Sandler-er.
• 9. By “Chris Farley” I meant “Let’s find some other fat guy.”
• 8. Kevin James isn’t all that fat, when you really think about it. Hollywood has become overrun by fatists.
• 7. “Midget Filipino Fonzie” is the best on-screen insult since “Sit on it.”
• 6. Salma Hayek.
• 5. Water parks don’t really put chemicals in the water to out you if you whiz. Trust me.
• 4.  Watching old friends work together and celebrate their youth, their life paths and their successes is a little weird when you know that Rob Schneider is one failed pilot away from Dancing with the Stars.
• 3. Salma Hayek.
• 2. I meant Dancing with the Stars Croatia, by the way.
• 1. Saying, out loud, “There’s no such place as Saskatchetoon, you morons,” while watching the movie alone and eating day-old Cheetos. When you leave the bag open, they get kind of soggy, but they still taste okay, even if you have to scrub yourself down after.

If you can find it for two bucks, it’s worth it. For Salma Hayek.