Posts Tagged ‘AC/DC’


Manly Tips 8: Music

December 13, 2009

Dear Marius,

I consider you to be a manly man. One of the manliest I know, in fact. You were in the military, you know how to use pretty much every arcane hand tool there is, and you have a tattoo of a dragon on your arm. And then there was the time you used a speargun to fight off enemy agents while scuba diving in Greece … you define “manly.”

This is why I am having trouble with your recent obsession with Lady Gaga. You have made some statements regarding this performer that I find to be not so manly (you know which one I mean). And when you mentioned that you were listening to Poker Face on repeat while cleaning the house and doing laundry, I felt I had to say something.

Men listen to five types of music:

  1. AC/DC
  2. Zeppelin
  3. Stones
  4. Motorhead
  5. Elvis

And that’s it. Other music is permitted as long as it relates, in some way, to those three groups. After all, Marius, you and I share a common interest in Blue Oyster Cult, right? That kind of music is okay, as are other classic rock bands and the kind of metal that doesn’t involve makeup on dudes. Country is permitted … if you’re an actual cowboy. If you’re listening to Taylor Swift while driving your Kia, you suck. And it’s okay to listen to some classical or opera, as long as it’s the horror-movie kind with swords and death. Christmas Carols are also permitted, but only on Christmas day, and only while you’re unwrapping your new scroll saw.

If you do have to listen to Lady Gaga, here’s my suggestion: put the CD in the case from Their Satanic Majesties Request. If you’re one of these all-digital downloader types, use an ID3 tag editor to relabel your Lady Gaga songs as the tracks from Dirty Deeds. That way, if one of the housewives at the nail salon looks over and sees the screen of your MP3 player, you can at least save a little face.




Overheard at Radio Shack

December 2, 2008

One thing I like about maintaining Weather Station 1 is I finally have a place to share with people the strange and unusual things that happen in my world, things I have noticed all my life, but can now share with you.

Like this: I was shopping at Radio Shack this afternoon. It’s actually called The Source By Circuit City, because our old Radio Shacks here in Canada went under and Circuit City bought them up, but I’ve always thought it’s really the old Radio Shack with the same name and the same slightly sinister techsperts waiting to write down your address when you buy batteries.

After years of avoiding The Source because of many bad old Radio Shack experiences, I started shopping there again this year. It’s slowly becoming one of my favourite stores, mainly because everything’s handy and the staff tend to really know their business. Today, I needed a certain kind of gadgety adapter, and the clerk, a polite, knowledgeable young guy, knew exactly what it was. It turned out to be marked down from ten bucks to $1.97, so that was even better news.

While he was ringing it up, a woman walked into the store. She waved at him and announced “I will need service, please!” He told her he’d be right with her.

I should mention that some vintage Bon Scott AC/DC was playing. The lady stopped and cocked an ear.

“Lock up your daughters?” she repeated, hearing the song’s lyrics. “Lock up your wives? That’s terrible. That’s sexist! Who would sing something like that?” The clerk doesn’t have enough change in his till to give me my pennies, so he’s fumbling around with a lockbox, thus delaying my escape from this lady. “Whatever happened to good music, like Diana Ross? Whatever happened to R.E.S.P.E.C.T?”

The clerk turned to her, smiled a winning grin, and said “A.C.D.C. happened, ma’am. I’ll be able to help you in just a moment!”

I took my change and left, stifling the urge to say “Aretha, not Diana, lady!” I don’t know what happened next. Maybe she continued to complain while buying six XBoxes and a widescreen TV. Maybe she stormed out, offended at the young guy’s cheek, vowing to never shop there again.

If the store lost a customer, that’s too bad. But that kid’s sense of humour and ability to deal with the kind of crap retail workers face daily won The Source a customer for life: me.