Ernie and Bert: Just Friends

August 12, 2011

Sesame Street officials have issued a statement confirming that longtime bickering couple Ernie and Bert are just friends — a statement made in response to recurring Internet-fuelled rumours that the roommates (for 42 years) are in fact a gay couple.

  • “Bert and Ernie are best friends,” said a Sesame Street boss-type person. “They were created to teach pre-schoolers that people can be friends with those who are very different from themselves.”

This is a clever way of saying that morons can pal around with assholes and even sleep in the same bed without being lovers, something I wish I had known in college.

Further confirmation that Ernie and Bert aren’t gay came from in-depth Weather Station research, which concluded that they’re puppets.




  1. When I was little, I thought that Ernie was a girl and they were married. I had never know anyone named Ernie so I didn’t know it was a boy name. True story.

  2. This means Bert is doomed to hone his cone alone?

  3. Yes, and “rubber duckie” is not — I repeat, not — a euphemism.

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