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No Wonder Woman For You

May 13, 2011

NBC has decided to say “fuck, no” to David E. Kelley’s new Wonder Woman series, a pilot version of which was recently screened for network officials right before they said “Maybe we could go with another Law & Order instead, like one in Utah, or Canada.”

Fan buzz was already pretty negative for this reworking of the classic superhero story, which seemed to blend elements of previous Kelley efforts like Ally McBeal and that other show that bit the pillow. I forget what it was called. Tonight, secret Weather Station investigative journalism has brought you the notes taken by a couple of studio executives during the first screening of the pilot; these offer insight into the decision to send WW packing.

“This girl looks like she’s about 16, and she’s supposed to be an immortal Amazon warrior goddess who also runs a fortune 500 company? That’s about as believable as William Shatner as a lawyer!”

  • “Well, it’s nice to see someone was able to recycle Olivia Newton John’s outfit from Grease. But when does she spin around? I like the spinny aroundy.”

“Can someone tell me why Cary Elwes still gets parts? Princess Bride was a long time ago.”

  • “How come we don’t get to see the invisible jet?”

“Did you really just ask that?

  • “Psssst … if we say ‘yes’ to this, the Wonder Woman movie project with Christina Hendricks might not happen.”

“Oh, I see they reworked the costume a bit … it’s a little better …”

  • “Didn’t you hear me? NO CHRISTINA HENDRICKS WONDER WOMAN!

“… Call Kelley, tell him thanks, but no thanks. Call him. Tell him NOW!”

Hey, did you ever see the original Wonder Woman pilot? Not the Linda Carter version. Not the Cathie Lee Crosby version, which I stayed up late to watch on TV because I wanted to experience extreme disappointment, but an original pilot from the ’60s. Check it out.

In related news, the TV series Smallville ended tonight, thank Rao. I have tried to watch it over the years, because you would think a TV series about young Superman would be my kind of show, but whenever I tuned in I ended up feeling stupider, which I can tell you is no small feat. But Smallville began its life as a series about young Bruce Wayne/Batman, until Warner suits thought it might affect their plans for the movie reboot that would become Batman Begins, so they said ‘throw some other loser in there,’ and we got Clark Kent. That’s what’s going on here, I hope. Still no word on that series about young Robin’s family, which had to call itself The Graysons because Dick was already taken.

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