May The 4th Be With YouMay 4, 2011
I think the title of this post is really, really clever and, of course, super-unique. I spent the whole day thinking it up.
Today, in honour of Star Wars Day, I am going to tell you a little-known story about one of those Star Wars outtakes you hear about, but never get to see, because George Lucas has the only copies, and they’re on a Sony Watchman he keeps on the back of the toilet in the bathroom off the master suite at Skywalker Ranch. I’ll have to ask the Admiral to have a peek the next time he’s there.
Anyway, as a professional science fiction talk-abouter (at the moment, I am preparing for tonight’s recording of a Star Wars episode of our podcast), I have been thinking a lot about Star Wars today, and I was reminded of this particular outtake. I’ve never seen it. But I’ve read the script, because my old boss’s neighbour’s ex-wife used to know this woman whose husband was a tour bus driver for Billy Idol.
I can recreate the script from memory:
- SCENE: Death Star jail-type place. The door swooshes open. PRINCESS LEIA is reclining on the cot, running one hand up and down her leg.
- LEIA: Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?
- LUKE: Aren’t you a little bit ungrateful? (Luke removes helmet) I’m Luke Skywalker. I’m here to rescue you. I’m here with Ben Kenobi!
- LEIA: You look kind of like me only not as boyish.
- LUKE: What’s with the hair? What’re those, handgrips?
- HAN: Quit bickering, you two! We gotta get outta here!
- LEIA: Just give me a minute to change. I think there’s a pair of shorts and a tank top in the cupboard.
- LUKE: We don’t have time for this!
- HAN: I think we should let her change.
- LUKE: This is not the time for Little Han to be making decisions, and anyway, I saw her first!
- HAN: He’s right. We gotta go, lady.
- LEIA: Not before I change.
- LUKE: Enough already!
- CHEWBACCA: RRRAAARRRRRRRRR
- LEIA: How can you seriously expect to rescue a damsel in this dress?
The final version was a lot shorter. Like Luke. Happy Star Wars Day, nerds.