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Truth, Justice and the Canadian Way

April 28, 2011

Well, I would, too, actually. In fact, some of my ancestors did (although some of the others were here when yours were discovering fire in Belgium or wherever). Anyway, in this week’s Action Comics No. 900 — a remarkable milestone for the comic book that defined a century and changed popular entertainment — Superman apparently tells Bill Cosby that he is no longer American, which makes me say “wait, was he ever American?”

Superman comes from another planet, and though he was raised in the U.S., he fights bad guys all over the world and all over the galaxy. Clark Kent is American, sure, but Superman has always made it clear that he and Clark are two different dudes, and nobody ever raises an eyebrow, except Lois Lane, who kind of gets a kick out of the concept because she’s a cheater at heart.

Besides, everyone knows Superman is Canadian. We had a Heritage Minute about it and everything. You probably don’t know this, because you’re a foreigner, but yeah, in Canada, we claim Superman as our own. You can tell; he is very polite, calls people “sir” and “ma’am,” and always apologizes before throwing bad guys into the sun.

So if Superman really has quit being American, I urge him to come home. He can dump Metropolis for Toronto, or Ottawa, or maybe Kakabeka Falls, and fight the evil villainy we face here every day, like poachers and cigarette smugglers and the guy who sells fake Gucci watches outside the Eaton Centre.

In World War 2, the Nazi regime banned Superman because he was considered Jewish. I am not making that up.

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