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STDVD: White Comanche

March 16, 2011

The writing is definitely on the wall for the DVD. You can tell; everywhere you go, DVDs are ridiculously marked down. You can buy Hot Tub Time Machine for two bucks these days, which would make you really frugal in addition to being kind of stupid.

This allowed me to buy a 20-pack of spaghetti westerns at Walmart last week. I like these public domain boxes — I have quite a few horror editions — and as I had the urge to see some old westerns, this was the perfect purchase for me. Also, it has films starring both William Shatner and Jeffrey Hunter, which is a Trek captain two-fer I couldn’t resist.

And so I watched White Comanche first. It’s a 1968 cowboy flick in which Shatner plays twin half-breeds, one a renegade Indian outlaw (Notah) and one a gunfighting drifter (Johnny Moon). Their paths collide in a small town run by the local saloon keeper, and there is the obligatory gorgeous blonde who is raped by Notah at the beginning of the film. It is an example of the quality of this movie that within hours she has the hots for her rapist’s identical twin brother.

Shatner is the least convincing Indian in cinematic history. I am not exaggerating this. He plays Notah with his regular short “hair” and for some reason a pair of polyester slacks. He’s a little better as Johnny, and even kicks a whole series of asses using modified Kirk-Fu, but in the end, the film is laughably bad — which means, of course, that I loved it.

I will work through the other 19 films and update you as I go, you lucky fuckers.

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