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“That wasn’t my weiner. It was a sandwich.”

January 7, 2011

Why do people do stupid things? Here’s a guy named Steve, city manager of a place called Hudson, who is in trouble right now after a fellow motorist looked over and saw him managing his own little city while driving. And by “managing his own little city,” I mean jerking off. In traffic.

As stupid as that was — you could shoot your eye out, kid — it gets worse, because Steve had a really amazing excuse when the woman called police and reported the jackoffery: She was wrong about what she saw, because he was just eating a sub sandwich.

  • (I’m guessing people who really know Steve are laughing about this. “Sub sandwich? More like a KFC Snacker!” But people who makes jokes like that are probably losers.)

After an intense investigation that I believe involved a cop just raising an eyebrow, Steve admitted he was activating his cruise control while in traffic, and apologized, and now his employers are trying their best to control the damage.

Meanwhile, I am more interested in the other headlines on the page featuring Steve’s story. A dad fathered a child with a 14-year-old, another dad and his daughter extorted people at a strip club, and Ted Nugent has a thing for Sarah Palin. I suspect many readers of this paper have excellent mullets.

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