The Cogswell Effect. Again.

October 18, 2010

We had two packages in our mailbox this morning.

I should mention that it’s a PA day (professional activity), which means teachers go to classes or something, and the kids stay home. I booked it off so I could take the kids to the dentist on their day off from school, because I am an Official Super-Dad™. That’s later today. So we were hanging around the house this morning, watching the VHS copy of Home On The Range that I bought at the library for a quarter, and the mail arrived. Any of you who earn money freelancing know how important the daily mail is, right? I rushed right out to get it.

In today’s mail were two packages. One was small, and addressed to the kids. Inside? Halloween candy from Gramps, who lives in Thunder Bay and clearly had advance knowledge that we were going to the dentist. The second was from Cogswell, that Maritime scientist who occasionally sends me cryptic and unusual packages. He once sent me the entire James Bond collection on VHS, which made me an Official Super-Dad ™ with my older son’s best friend, who loves James Bond.

Anyway, I suspect there is some complicated message associated with the things Cogswell sends me. But I can’t figure it out. “Maybe it’s just stuff he doesn’t want anymore,” my daughter said. I don’t think that’s the case. There’s a message here; I’m just too stupid to figure it out. Perhaps you can.

Contents of box:

  • Bart Simpson action figure
  • Homer Simpson action figure
  • Old-school reflecting microscope
  • Spool of exposed 35mm film
  • Robert Altman’s M*A*S*H on VHS.
  • A rock with a bumblebee painted on it
  • A copper key-holder
  • My astro-turf carpet. Wait, that was already there.
  • A CD called Common Ground, featuring a really mullety pair of guys
  • A Sony remote control
  • A small plastic thing that might be part of the microscope, but I don’t know, because I am not very sciencey.
  • West Side Story on VHS

Add all this to the random materials I have received from Cogs (X-ray components, a magnifying glass, a beanie and a book on the tsetse fly), and you might start figuring out what I’m supposed to do with it. I know I couldn’t. For a while, I thought it might be a time machine, but now there’s a microscope, so it may have something to do with burning ants. I was stumped. So I called him at work (he works in a top-secret science lab on the east coast) this morning.

  • “I live to serve,” he told me.

Well, that didn’t answer my question.



  1. Perhaps he wants you to investigate this;

    He wants you to obtain ‘photographic’ evidence that the universe is inside Homer Simpson’s head. After that, check Bart’s to see if he inherited it thus confirming the infinite multiverse theory.

    Perhaps he feels you share some ‘common ground’ which is why the piece was taken off the microscope. You are the ‘missing piece’ of his plan and he is hoping that together you can ‘unlock’ the secrets of the universe. Possibly with a view to ‘controling’ it, building up a ‘mobile army’ and taking it by force not with guns but by pelting your enemies with ‘rocks’ with different insects painted on them.

    West Side Story was included as a brainwashing program a la Clockwork Orange in order to prepare you for the coming times.

    Or, it could just be some stuff he doesn’t want anymore.

  2. Without 45 grams of unobtanium it’s all just useless junk.

  3. The bumblebee rock has a secret.

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