The Expendables 2

August 23, 2010

To see this in all its crap glory, click here.

You will ask yourself “Why? Why are their heads the wrong size?” You should be asking why anyone would make this film. It’s all about biscuits, baby. The studio bigwigs saw how huge the first film blew up, and decided to capture the magic again by bringing back some of the best comedy stars of the 1980s, and also Jim Belushi.

“But the heads are too big,” you say. “And I can see their neckties, and … does Bill Murray have flowers in his beard?” Yes. I can tell you that this was intentional, as the awesomely crap PhotoShopping done on the original poster didn’t hurt at the box office, and when you want awesomely crap PhotoShop, I’m the guy to call.

The Expendables 2 also stars Peter Billingsly (A Christmas Story), Matthew Broderick (WarGames) and Urkel as the villainous Colombian drug dealers the gang has to take down. Soleil Moon-Frye is along for the ride, as are Daryl Hannah and Edie McClurg.

“And why are you in it?” you ask. Well, every big ensemble movie needs one loser nobody’s ever heard of. Remember the original trailer for Young Guns? “SHEEN. ESTEVEZ. SUTHERLAND. CASEY SZIEMAZSKO OR WHATEVER HIS NAME WAS. YOUNG GUNS.” That’s what’s going on here. Don’t worry, I die in the opening credits after Dane Cook stabs me in the eye.

They didn’t even give me a gun in the poster.

In the meantime, if you want to hear about the first film, follow this link to a great podcast about it.


One comment

  1. Excellent, as always (even the Photoshop, I assure you). 😉

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