Today’s Special at Mr. Waffle

August 11, 2010

There are so many things wrong with this story that I have trouble thinking of a way to start telling you about it. First of all, this photograph is of a person named Amanda Loudermilk. Amanda Loudermilk is, allegedly, a truck-stop prostitute who plies her trade at the Mr. Waffle in Cowpens, South Carolina. Cowpens. Loudermilk. Waffle. Those are good words, and you should just go ahead and say them out loud.

Amanda was arrested after she got into a vehicle with a potential new customer and offered her services, right there in the front seat. “But first,” she may have said, “You gots to prove you ain’t no po-leece. So let me grab ahold a’yer dingle.”

“No problem!” said the eager customer, who was, as it turns out, an undercover sheriff’s deputy, and apparently really, really devoted to his work. Once Loudermilk was done touching the alleged organ, he arrested her right as she “adjusted her position,” whatever that means.

Later, when asked by reporters whether the officer went too far, a police department spokesman said he did indeed — he put too much into his report, which was issued to the media. In future, reporters were told, the police in Cowpens won’t be so forthcoming about their dingle-snuggling escapades.

In related news, Dashboard Light, the Meat Loaf cover band in Cowpens, is looking for a new lead singer.


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