Archive for July 19th, 2010


Robin Hood: Men In Synch

July 19, 2010

"Forsooth, I did verily invent this which shall be known as the mullet."

So it turns out the $5 DVD of Robin Hood: Men In Tights that I picked up at Walmart is defective. There’s a weird problem with the audio; Sound effects, music and incidentals are fine, but dialogue is absent.

Rather than be pissed off about this (taking the movie back would cost me more than the movie is worth, because I charge $10 an hour to stand in line behind women in stretch pants with “Hot Mama” printed across the gigantic ass who are trying to return a two-year-old baby car seat that reeks of cigarettes and gin “because he don’t fit in it no more.”) Instead, I cued it up on my computer screen and put Kevin Costner’s version of Robin Hood in the VCR.

The first few minutes don’t quite work, because the dialogue from the scene in the Saracen prison was playing while some rappers were dancing around Sherwood Forest. But as the movie progressed, more and more connections were made. At one point, Dave Chapelle sounded just like Morgan Freeman. And another time, he sounded like Alan Rickman, which was the strangest thing I’ve seen this weekend, and I saw some dating show called Millionaire Matchmaker. That’s a show about ridiculously good-looking rich people who pay a woman in a bad wig to help them meet other ridiculously good-looking rich people, and everyone whines about how hard it is to find love. I do love science fiction.

Synchronicity is a funny thing. It works more often than it should, but that’s more a case of our brains wanting to force information into familiar patterns than anything else. Except for Wizard of Oz/Dark Side of the Moon. That was some wicked acid.

Anyway, back to Robin Hood. I haven’t seen the new one, and I don’t have the Disney version. I’ll have to round that one up and see how it synchs up. Maybe I can get Dave Chapelle to sound like a stupid bear.