Archive for July 18th, 2010

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Live Long and Kick Ass

July 18, 2010

During the ill-fated mission to Sega Iota IX on Stardate 3196.2, the U.S.S. Enterprise encounted a temporal vortex that swirled the ship and its crew back to 1966 America. The crew was split up during the exploratory beamdown, a problem caused by the transporter system’s conflict with the then-popular UHF broadcast format, and possibly a drunk engineer.

  • Captain Kirk materialized on the set of Bonanza, where he became Dan Blocker’s masseuse.
  • Mr. Sulu turned up in San Francisco, where he was born, and became the male best friend of his own great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother.
  • Nurse Chapel materialized in Gene Roddenberry’s trailer, and a few hours later, he had some good ideas
  • Chekov materialized in Liberace’s trailer and was never seen again.
  • Dr. McCoy gave the ingredients to Taco Bell to a guy on the street in return for a bus ticket to Branson, Missouri, and was really pissed off when all he found was a bunch of trailers and a discarded spitting-tobacco can.
  • Uhura was scrambled in the incident; she could speak only Gorn and was committed to an asylum, where she wrote Gorn poetry until the end of her days.
  • Mr. Scott ended up in Las Vegas, walked into Caesar’s ¬†and was never seen again.
  • Spock installed his tricorder in the dashboard of a rental car, painted it black, and drove around, meeting people and getting into adventures. He fought bikers, protected the innocent, solved crimes and bickered with the tricorder, which he named KITT (Kiss It, Talking Tricorder).