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Bad Ideas In Television: Apple’s Way

April 16, 2010

I barely remember this. If you do, I’m sorry. It’s a weird combination of Little House on the Prairie, Eight Is Enough and the Waltons, complete with waving Dad in the window. Notable points: Gave the world Kristy McNichol, and helped Ronny Cox work his way toward being Capt. Jellicoe and whatever else he did.

This was a short-lived series about a Los Angeles dad sick of the city who moves his family back to Iowa. Their last name is Apple, and the town is Appleton, because the Apples founded it, or something. There might have been actual apples.

I remember this show mostly because there was a kid in my class at the time who had the same first and last name as one of the characters. Years later, his mother called and asked if I would be available to babysit him, and when I told her it would be strange, as we were the same age, she said “Yes, but you can be left alone in the house.” I said no.

My favourite part of this opening — actually, one of my favourite bad TV moments of all time — is the big blonde hunk actually churning butter for the corn. Part of me thinks that looks like the Admiral during his Rocky Horror days, and part of me wants to call the Manly Tips writer over to smack me one for thinking that. Of all the things to do to “get back to the land,” which is what this stupid show was about, churning butter? Go chop some wood, bud.

I wonder: Has Steve Jobs bought the rights to this? Because a modern remake might be a lot of fun. You know, a bunch of aging nerds and hippies escape “the rat race” in Cupertino and move to Iowa to try to revive the NeXT using iPad technology in order to make a reader you can take in the tub.

Hey, that might work. And if it does, I wanna play Woz.

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