10 Things I Wish I Could Do

March 11, 2010

I’m at that point in life, past the halfway mark, when I’m taking careful stock of my experiences, my goals and my adventures. And it occurs to me that there are things I can’t do, but should. Such as:

  1. Play poker. I can’t play any card games at all. In fact, I can’t play anything other than chess, and that I play badly. I just learned checkers a few weeks ago, from one of my kids. We just didn’t have games when I was a kid, although someone did once try to teach me euchre, which ended badly. Anyway, I was asked to join a poker game a while ago and when I replied that I don’t know the game, I got a raised eyebrow. Apparently, it’s some kind of manly standard to be able to play.
  2. Run. I used to run all the time. I played baseball, basketball, all those things, and ran to stay in shape. Not any more, though, and I have a pretty decent excuse: my right foot was once severed, and is held on with delicate titanium pins. You can lump skating and skiing in here, too.
  3. Golf. No, I’m kidding. If you ever see me golfing, hit me with a nine-iron.
  4. Tie shoes. I’m not kidding. I still make bunny ears. I never learned the other way. I was on assignment a while back, and as I prepared to leave the source’s home, I sat down to tie my shoes. She laughed at me.
  5. Knit. Because sometimes you have to be able to whip up an emergency cardigan.
  6. Sail. And I owned a sailboat for a while, too. I just never mastered it. I grew up in a canoe, and I love kayaks, but Me vs. The Sail just never worked out. Have you ever hand-paddled a Sunfish five miles into the wind?
  7. Play piano. I can pick out a tune, and I know most of the major and minor chords, but I would have liked to have had that early grounding in piano. I still can’t read music. I did go on to play bass, guitar and drums, but not very well, something that may have been different had I learned piano young. This entry was suggested in a petition signed by everyone who’s ever been in a band with me.
  8. Dance. Ha! Just kidding. My ruined legs give me a built-in excuse to never have to dance again. Go ahead and be jealous, guys.
  9. Draw hands. This is the only reason I am not a famous comic book artist. I can’t draw hands. For years, I tried to pitch concepts starring characters who always wore boxing gloves, but nobody was interested.
  10. Math. There are three kinds of people in the world: those who are good at math, and those who aren’t.


  1. Well you are not alone. I can run because of my feet and soon to be fused ankle. Never learned poker. Can’t dance before or after and might never be able to. Plus I don’t know math so it make 3 of us.

    I also have difficulty distinguishing right and left.

  2. Poker’s pretty easy to learn. You can pick up the basics in a couple of hands. A full night’s play and you’ll be able to hold your own, though you probably won’t be taking home the pot. The fine tuning comes with time spent at the table. All you need is a couple of people willing to hold your hand for the first time. That’s the difficult part 😉

  3. I miss the weekly poker games at my first real theatre job. Mary’s right, poker is fun if you’re playing with friends. I’d never try it for real money, though. As for the rest, I’m right up there with you, but I don’t have the hardware as a ‘get out of the dance floor free’ card. I just suck.

  4. Screw poker just stick to Magic The Gathering.

  5. Won’t tell Mrs. Weathereye, but you could probably dance better than me without ANY legs at all. And, by dancing, I mean the “rock’em sock’em robot” … the only dance move I’ve got!

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