Other Canadian Celebrities Who Aren’t Actually Dead

February 20, 2010

Gordon Lightfoot: Not Actually Dead. This is news in Canada. In fact, it was front-page news for some newspapers.  Forget the Olympics, folks — Our most legendary troubador is actually still alive.

Most of us heard Gord was dead because someone said so on Twitter. Now, as you know, 99.9999 percent of Twitter is either stupidity or bullshit, except for the two Twitter accounts I maintain (one for work, one for play) and, of course, yours. The best thing about Twitter is it allows people to share their thoughts quickly and easily and without a lot of effort. The problem with Twitter is it allows people to share their thoughts quickly and easily and without a lot of effort. Those of us who like to think before we speak also maintain blogs where we try to lower the level of stupidity and bullshit. I hope to have one of those someday.

In the meantime, here are some other Canadian celebrities who aren’t actually dead — in other words, people who are still alive.

  • Sebastian Bach: The former lead singer of Skid Row put out a screechingly good, if not entirely original, solo album a couple of years ago called Angel Down. I play it a lot, as it proves Bach is still alive, and also that he passed out around 1987 and just woke up, which is good in a heavy metal way.
  • Conrad Bain: TV’s Mr. Drummond is leading a pretty quiet life these days at age 87. A classically trained actor, he rocked the Shakespeare pretty fiercely before moving to the US and becoming known as a sitcom sort of guy on Maude and Diff’rent Strokes. He has a twin brother named Bonar Bain, who used to play his evil twin on SCTV. Bonar Bain, also still alive, has the best name ever issued to a Canadian.
  • Pamela Anderson: The Baywatch Beauty is still alive, thanks to the wonder of plastic. Yeah, that was too easy. Sorry.
  • Eric Lindros: Hockey’s Next Big Thing of 1991 (who turned out to be just a big thing, and not in the way you think), played for a lot of teams during his excellent (but not Most Excellent Ever, as promised) career, left the NHL in 2007 and is now the ombudsman for the league’s player union. This job involves investigating disputes, settling debates, and dropping gloves when necessary, or at least I like to think so. I suspect there’s a lot of work being done on the dental plan.
  • Dini Petty: It’s okay if you don’t know who this is. You’re probably foreign. She’s still alive, and her guests stay at the lovely Crowne Plaza Hotel in downtown Toronto.
  • Alan Thicke: Dad Seaver is still going strong, with a small role in last year’s The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard, which was a pretty decent movie in a Jeremy Piven sort of way. Alan Thicke is from northern Ontario, like I am, and thus has that frozen-in-time youthful appearance. Thicke, known primarily as a talk-show host and sitcom star, also wrote the theme song to Diff’rent Strokes, which might be the most significant musical achievement of all time by a Canadian. Sorry, Gord.

"I sing, too!"


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