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Manly Tips 9: Your Pocket Knife

December 30, 2009

Check your pockets. Do you have a pocket knife? No? Then you’re no man. Wait, check your man-purse. Is it there? It is? Go bake me a muffin, cupcake.

A pocket knife is an essential tool for any man. I’m on my third, which is saying something. My first was a nickel-plated two-blader with a can opener that I found at the beach when I was about seven, and carried well into my twenties. My second was a black Swiss Army Knife, a simple jobber with a corkscrew and a toothpick. That one was stolen out of my coat at a tavern in Chelmsford in 1997. My third, which I carry today, is a classic red Swiss Army Knife; that’s a photo of it up top. It comes in handy every day, and let me tell you why:

  1. Fixing the car.
  2. Cutting the filter off your smoke.
  3. Jimmying the lock when you forget your keys at the pub.
  4. Opening letters from fans.
  5. Unwrapping new tools.
  6. Fighting ninjas.
  7. Cutting the plastic off the new AC/DC CD.
  8. Carving emergency snorkels out of bamboo while hiding from ninjas in a swamp.
  9. Getting the Harley up and running, with the help of some duct tape.
  10. Piercings for a fiver a pop outside the pub just before last call.

If you can’t find a reason on that list to carry a pocket knife, well, you should probably become a librarian.

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2 comments

  1. Amen! Preach on, Brother WeatherEye!


  2. Lol Ninjas..

    This knife is cool. doesn’t cost much to get the real thing. stay away from the generics. these babies are awesome knives



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