Zombie Chris PineNovember 23, 2009
If J.J. Abrams had decided to pull an even harder reboot on Star Trek, he could have gone the oh-so-trendy zombie route and decided to make the new Captain Kirk a zombie. This would have made for a very different film, of course. In the scene where Spock (Zachary Quinto) tries to throttle him, Kirk’s head would have just fallen off. And all those shots of Kirk running around the shiny Enterprise would have been much longer. In fact, I think the entire two hours, six minutes of the movie would have been taken up with the zombie version of Cadet Fat-Hands shuffling from sickbay to the bridge to tell Captain Pike about “Brainsssssss …”
J.J. could have made Spock a werewolf, too, but that would have just been stupid.
You know what else is stupid? The way people land here at the Weather Station. Here are some real search engine terms used to find this site:
- topless weather
- shirley jones topless
- small penis
- heman tiger name
- naughty teachers
- korean wife
- what to do if you call you boss a moron
- spirit gum santa beard stay on
- pictures of famous actors and their siblings
- moron porn
(It is not lost on me that I’m just as stupid; I wrote the posts featuring those topics (or reasonable facsimiles thereof) in the first place.)
I also find it bothersome that there are posts on this site that took me a day to compose, and they’ve attracted a measly few dozen hits, but the one about the Killer Power Ranger has readership in the five figures, because of the nature of net search, and because people want trendy scandals and that kind of bullshit. I am, believe it or not, a serious writer, and a professional journalist, and I do put a lot of work into some of these posts. Others I just toss off on a whim, and those seem to be the ones people like.
If you’ve read this far because you want to know more about Zombie Chris Pine, sorry. I just did that to test a theory. If I’d called this Weird Search Terms or Weathereye Whines About His Readers, nobody would have found it. But I know from some friends that people are suckers for zombies, so I kind of tricked you.