Manly Tips 2: Changing The OilNovember 18, 2009
If, like me, you live in a two-vehicle household, you will be called upon frequently to carry out minor car repairs. I have a lot of trouble with installing new windshield wiper blades, because for some reason they make those things more complicated than Meccano. And I used to be able to swap out headlights, but now they build cars specifically to make sure you have to take them to the dealership and pay $100 apiece for new headlights.
(We traded in the Ford Focus last year and nobody ever caught on that one of the headlights was held in with duct tape)
I like changing the oil in our vehicles, though, because it’s a fairly simple process and allows me a couple of hours of “me time.” Let me tell you about my technique:
- Put on grubby clothes. I used to have one of those mechanic’s coverall suits with “Gerry” on the name tag. I should get another one. The only problem with coveralls, though, is they don’t allow for appropriate handyman-related asscrackery.
- Carry your toolbox out to the driveway.
- Lie down on the far side of the vehicle, away from the house. You might want to bring a blanket.
- Watch the Star Trek DVD on your iPod.
- Spray WD40 all over your hands so you smell good and stinky. Do not get any on your iPod. They don’t like it.
- Put tools away.
- Go inside, spend some time washing your hands, and complain of back pain from the awkward angle you had to work at. Get a neck rub.
- When everyone’s asleep, drive to the 24-hour oil-change place, pay $17, get your oil changed while you read the free newspaper.
Let me tell you, I grow more chest hair every time I do this.