Black October 25: Santa’s Slay

October 25, 2009

We’re getting close to the end of October, and the end of this mini-series exploring my DVD shelf’s horror flicks. It’s becoming more difficult, because I’ve worked through many of my favourites, and also grabbed a few oddities at random. There are other films I’d like to tell you about, but I don’t own them, and I decided at the beginning that I’d stick with what I actually have.

I did cheat on a couple. I have those on VHS. Don’t tell.

Anyway, I have a lot more films than there are days left, so I’m having trouble choosing how to wrap this up. I know which film will close the month (and you probably do too, if you think about it). After today. I’m just going to grab them at random. You may get a recent big-budget horror film, or you might get an obscure Italian flick from the 60s. It’s a roll of the bones.

Today I want to tell you about the weirdest film I own: Santa’s Slay. This is an ultraviolent horror movie starring a wrestler named Bill Goldberg as Santa Claus. After a cameo-packed opening that involves horrific bloody fates for Fran Drescher AND Chris Kattan (gotta love that), we get to the meat of the tale: It seems Santa Claus is actually a demonic hellspawn, a violent spirit of death and evil who was forced by a magical spell to do good deeds for a thousand years, giving out toys to children on December 25.

This Christmas, the thousand years are up. And Santa’s out for blood.

You will probably not want to watch this, especially when you read the DVD box, which says “Brett Ratner and Media 8 Entertainment Present.” Stick with it, though. It isn’t as bad as you might think. It’s actually much better, a very funny, very dark tale with all kinds of wink-nudge moments. It’s one big joke, from the first line of the pitch (“Think Supernatural Serial Killer Santa!”) to the casting of Goldberg, who is clearly having a ball. Add to this Robert Culp, Dave Thomas, Saul Rubinek and Emilie de Ravin (from Lost) and you have a quickie worth checking out. It’s a fun, wild holiday horror film. I don’t get to write that sentence every day.

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