Random Megan Fox News

August 8, 2009

Someday, you’ll mention this article when I crack wise about something you’ve done. “Hey, at least I’ve never devoted a whole seven minutes of my time to thinking about Megan Fox,” you’ll say. And you’ll be right. I don’t know why I’m doing this. I can’t stop myself.

Megan Fox has somehow become a global superstar despite having less acting ability than Jenny McCarthy. Yes, she’s a beautiful woman. But not unusually so; there are thousands of beautiful young actresses struggling to make it, actresses who can act. Yet it’s Megan scoring the big roles. And all the attention. I don’t get it.

Anyway, here’s your Fox News ticker:

  • You will see her boobs in the new film Jennifer’s Body. Announcing this ahead of time is a pretty smart marketing move on the part of the producers, who have, by now, realized that they have to capitalize on Fox’s skill set, and acting ain’t it.
  • Fox says she doesn’t like to watch herself on screen, finally proving that she can relate to fans of good filmmaking.
  • Josh Brolin says he had a rough time in the sex scenes with Fox in their new film, Jonah Hex. This sounds like it might be a little interesting, but it turns out it was because of the extensive makeup he had to wear.
  • Fox broke up with her boyfriend, Brian Austin Green, last month. In related news, Brian Austin Green had a girlfriend.
  • Fox then said she wanted to date a geeky guy, not a studly actor or Brian Austin Green, because “They are more appreciative of what you do,” she said. Upon spotting this news online, geeks around the world put down their Transformers toys, drooled over their computer screens for a moment, then exploded.
  • Later, Fox reportedly struck a deal with Green: They will have an open relationship for six months, after which she will decide whether she wants to marry him. The rules of this “open relationship” reportedly are (a) Fox can sleep with anyone she wants (b) Green can sleep only with Fox. Green agreed. In related news, Brian Austin Green is a douche.
  • Megan Fox revealed that she has both male and female sex organs, calling them “a poon and a peener.” Wait, no, that was some other twit.
  • A guy popped up in the audience at a Jonah Hex Q&A at ComiCon in San Diego last month and asked Fox if she would consider appearing in a sex tape, and if so, could he make it with her. He was hauled out by security and roundly beaten, maybe.
  • Fox says she turned down the role of a Bond Girl in the next Daniel Craig Bond film. Bond producers, snickering, say “Sure she did.”
  • Fox says people don’t recognize her in public because she’s really, really short, and people aren’t expecting that. Also, she usually isn’t airbrushed before she goes out in public.
  • Brian Austin Green was severely beaten by two security guards outside the Jonah Hex panel at ComiCon, maybe.

The most interesting Fox News item of the past week, though, was this one: all the major men’s magazines and websites decided on August 4 to impose a 24-hour Megan Fox blackout. No coverage, no pictures, no gossip. Of course, they all carried articles discussing the blackout, so it was kind of not really a blackout.

I’m imposing my own blackout, starting now.


One comment

  1. Hmmm, A couple years back i would have agreed about Brian Austin Green, but the dude has proved himself in Terminator: TSCC.

    IMHO, the boy’s good. That is all.

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