I Know How Lost Will End

May 26, 2009

Through my network of Internet spies, Hollywood tipsters and also some guessing, I know how Lost will end next year. As you may know, season six will be the ABC series’ final year, wrapping up the previous five seasons’ worth of desert island mindfuckery. All our questions will be answered, apparently. These include:

  • Why are everyone’s lives connected? They were, after all, strangers on a plane.
  • Who were Adam and Eve?
  • What’s going on with Walt?
  • What year is this?
  • Where was all the food coming from?
  • If Ethan was born in 1977, why did he look 40 in 2004?
  • How did Jack keep his stubble the same length for 100 days?

You know, the burning stuff. Inquiring minds want to know. But I can spoil it all for you now, if you want. Because I have the inside scoop, the dirt, on how the show will end. I was surprised; for years, I’ve been convinced the island is Atlantis, or perhaps the shut-down remnants of Fantasy Island. But I was wrong; it’s not that at all. Ready? Here we go:

In episode 17 of Season 6, the last episode of the show, several things will explode, and some characters will die. Jack will make three different Jackfaces, and Hurley will utter a whopping NINE “dudes.” We will see Claire again, but we won’t care. People who are starring on other shows won’t be there, and we will have no explanation as to why. Richard Alpert will toss off a one-liner: “Libby? Oh yeah, she was —” before an explosion. And then, in the final moment, we will return to the Staff station, the medical hatch where Ethan took Claire, and we will discover the true secret of the island:

It was being used to create the perfect human, a eugenically created superman, a being born of the best of six fathers — athletes, scientists, leaders, warriors — who will be raised on the tropical Pacific island, educated and trained to be the best humanity can be.

This opens the door for a sequel, of course. Wait, it’s already out:



  1. I don’t care how it ends I just want it to end.

  2. LOL

    Excellent video punchline!

  3. Wrong!
    They are actually people portraying characters in a virtual reality game who while in the game arent aware they are playing. The numbers, the logo on the shark, the black smoke are all related to things going on around them outside of the game.

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