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The Woody Harrelson Excuse Generator

April 11, 2009

In case you haven’t heard, Woody Harrelson out-moronified Billy Bob Thornton today after he was accused of assaulting a TMZ videographer. It happened at New York’s LaGuardia Airport and has been heavily documented, so I won’t dwell on it too much. The story is here.

It seems like a typical papparazi attack, until you read the statement Harrelson released yesterday: “I wrapped a movie called Zombieland, in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character. With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie.”

A few initial thoughts

  1. Woody is still an actor?
  2. Woody is an actor in a movie with such a unique plot?
  3. Woody is a method actor?

I’ve decided to adopt his excuse for everyday life. I will begin using it immediately. Examples:

  • “Do you know how fast you were going, sir?”
  • “I wrapped a movie called Zombieland, in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then got in my minivan still very much in character. I was being followed by an ice-cream delivery truck driver, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie, causing me to speed up.”
  • “Hey, where did all those frozen pizzas go?”
  • “I wrapped a movie called Zombieland, in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then opened the freezer, still very much in character. I was scared by the boxes, which I quite understandably mistook for zombies, and threw them away.”
  • “You were supposed to start your new job today.”
  • “I wrapped a movie called Zombieland, in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then went to meet my new boss still very much in character. My boss wasn’t there yet, so I had to wait in the lobby with the receptionist, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie, so I went to the bar next door.”

Go ahead, try it on for size. You’d be amazed at the attention it gets you.

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