Archive for April 6th, 2009

h1

A Nightmare on Stupid Street

April 6, 2009

Wow, twice in one week?

IMDB.com is my go-to place for movie information. It’s probably the same for you. For more than a decade, I have hit the Internet Movie Database for details about the movies I like (or don’t like).

I did try their forums once, but hey, I can only take so much bad spelling and stupidity.

Today, though, the IMDB news team has taken a page from its own forum trolls and managed to screw up, not once, but twice. Nothing major, just sloppiness that could have been prevented with good editing. Let’s review.

First: this piece: Jackie Earle Haley, star of Watchmen, The Bad News Bears, Breaking Away and Damnation Alley, is to play Freddy Krueger in the new Nightmare on Elm Street remake. It’s a typical IMDB WENN news brief, but it has this line: Watchmen actor Haley will slip on his famous mask in a new sequel due to start shooting in the U.S. next month.

Famous mask? No, that was the other guy. And that other guy. Jason. Michael. Not Freddy.

Second on IMDB today is a brief about actor Kyle Gallner taking over for Johnny Depp in the Nightmare remake. He’ll play the lead victim, who is now named Quentin. In the short article is this line: Depp played Glen Lantz in the 1984 classic and now Gallner will dabble with villainous ghoul Freddy Krueger 15 years later.

1984 + 15 = 1999. Just saying.

I’ve dealt with the disappearance of newspaper editors at the Weather Station before. We’re a dying breed. As the blogosphere takes over, the concept of text editors is falling away. We no longer matter. Writers can write and publish instantly. And they can make mistakes, which I do, but I never come out of the basement.

But IMDB is a business. Like actual newspapers or magazines, it is a legit source of information. And therefore it has to be held to a higher standard. Check this stuff, people. Edit it before it gets out there.

Maybe I’m too late. Hey, I was reading the new novel by Pulitzer-winner Stephen Hunter the other day, and spotted a typo in the text. Even book publishers are falling down on the job. Maybe language is devolving back to 19th century standards, when names were spelled any which way and words didn’t matter, as long as the meaning made it across.

Anyway, if you want more on Freddy and Nightmare, listen to the very, very amazing Canadian podcast Horror Etc.’s three-part series on the subject.

h1

Today’s Moron: Alexander Kirilov

April 6, 2009

Today’s Moron is a drunken Russian named Alexander Kirilov, who I’m going to call Sasha, because it’s fun to say out loud.

Sasha ended up in a Moscow hospital a while back with bandages replacing his underwear. He’s probably in a lot of pain after surgeons tried, unsuccessfully, to reattach his little Sasha. In normal cases, I would extend my most sincere sympathy; it’s the right thing to do when someone is recovering from penile reattachment surgery.

But not in this case.

Sasha, 44, lost his perogy when a raccoon bit it off. And the raccoon bit it off because Sasha was trying to … get busy with it.

It seems Sasha and his cronies were getting loaded when the raccoon wandered by.

“When I saw the raccoon I thought I’d have some fun,” he told doctors, as reported in British tabloid called The Sun (so you KNOW it’s true).

I suppose they could have been in a forest or something, but it’s more likely they were in urban Moscow and the raccoon was scrounging for food. I have raccoons here at the Weather Station, but this is kind of rural; when I lived in the downtown area of a large city a few years ago, I had raccoons in my garbage all the time. I just never found them all that attractive.

Sasha did. In classic Today’s Moron fashion, he whipped out his cossack, jumped on the animal and tried to have his way. The raccoon, however, had other ideas, and Sasha ended up in hospital. The raccoon vanished, still chewing.

“He’s been told they can get things working again but they can’t sew back on what the raccoon bit off,” a friend allegedly told The Sun. “That’s gone forever so there isn’t going to be much for them to work with.”

Here’s where I stand on this: I am no great fan of raccoons, but I think every animal, no matter how much of a nuisance, has the right to not be sexually assaulted by some drunken loser. And if Sasha has to spend the rest of his life sitting down to whiz, well, so be it.

Picture Sasha’s future for a moment, then listen to ol’ Weathereye’s moral: There are limits to the concept of loving nature, guys. Think about that. Maybe all you other potential animal-insertion-wannabes will learn from this and stick to Internet porn or something.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 410 other followers