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How Jennifer Aniston Can Rescue James Bond

March 26, 2009

Have you seen Quantum of Solace yet? I was a little disappointed. Not that it was bad, but it was just … dull. Coming in the wake of the superb reboot that was Casino Royale, QoS failed to offer anything new and, worst of all, left the audience disconnected from the Bond character and the story.

Now there’s talk out of Hollywood that Jennifer Aniston will be meeting with producers to play the female lead in the next James Bond movie, which doesn’t yet have a title. This is good news for two reasons: There will be another Bond flick, and Jennifer Aniston might be in it.

I’m a big Anistonian, and have been since before Friends. That Rolling Stone cover didn’t hurt, either. So as I sit here thinking about it — the Bond news, not that Rolling Stone photo, honest —  it occurs to me that Jennifer Aniston could genuinely revitalize the many-times-revitalized franchise, and it would be a fun, fast flick, too, if she’s in it. Here’s why:

  • She’s funny. Really, really funny. Before Friends, Jennifer starred in a short-lived sketch comedy show called The Edge, and she was its standout star (although Wayne Knight’s Stephen King routine was priceless). She was consistently funny on Friends, and even though many of her romantic comedy films have been suckeriffic, she never fails to be good in them.
  • She can act. Many people write her off as a one-note actress, but that’s not the case at all. The Good Girl is proof of that.
  • She’s tough as nails. Bond girls have to be able to look like they can kick ass, jump from moving cars and swim from a sunken wreck. Jennifer looks the part for that. She’s fit, strong and athletic; I would have no problem believing her in a full-on fist-in-face action heroine role. In fact, I’d love to see that.
  • She’s sunny. Her light, humourous style and gorgeous girl-next door style would soften and humanize Daniel Craig just a touch. His hardman routine worked in Casino Royale, but in QoS his so-called grief never came across. Craig is a great bond, but he’s colder than Sarek. He needs a little California sunshine on his arm for at least one film.
  • She’s a star. When was the last time a real star was a Bond girl? Halle Berry in Tomorrow Never Knows It’s Another Day To Die or whatever that one was called?? Okay, you have Halle Berry, but you also have an invisible car. Sorry, no. Adding someone of Aniston’s calibre to the next film will draw fans who were attracted to Casino Royale, but turned up their noses after enduring QoS.
  • She’s experienced with tuxedo villainy. Her father, actor John Aniston, is Victor Kiriakis from Days of our Lives, one of daytime’s best bad guys. Victor was far more dire, far more shadowy and sinister, than most Bond villains. So that’s good for Jennifer. Anyone with that kind of DNA is surely able to face off against the latest tycoon with a plan for global domination.
  • She’s gorgeous. This is a 40-year-old woman we’re talking about here, and look at her — the Bond franchise would be blessed to have such a beauty on board. Okay, now I’m thinking about that Rolling Stone cover.

I think I’ve made my point. Bond producers, don’t even debate this. Pay her what she’s worth and get her in this movie.

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One comment

  1. [I’m going to come in with the canned response of every teenage male on the planet when it comes to news like this. Feel free to ignore me.]

    Plus, she’s FIT.

    In all seriousness, though, you’re totally right. But I have to admit, I really enjoyed Quantum of Solace.



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