“Why are you talkin’ to me, man?” James T. Kirk says this in the new Star Trek Super Bowl spot, sounding more like Billy from Melrose Place than a space hero. I had the link to the video here for a couple of hours, but it’s gone now. Let me sum up:
- We hear that voiceover from the old trailer about Kirk not knowing his place in the world, as Chris Pine hikes through snow, like Clark Kent in Superman II.
- Kirk gets the shat kicked out of him in a couple of fast bar-fight scenes. His opponent appears to be a chunky Asian Starfleet cadet.
- Capt. Pike tells Kirk he’s worth more than that. Kirk says “Why are you talkin’ to me, man?” Ashton Kutcher jumps out, yells “Punk’d!”
- Spock materializes. We saw this before. Zachary Quinto still looks very Nimoyan in profile.
- A giant space laser drills into the bay off San Francisco. Starfleet cadets in red come rushing out of the academy. This shoot was leaked last year.
- “Leonard McCoy.” “Jim Kirk.” This is the same scene that will include Karl Urban’s “Space is disappointment and flatulence and death” or whatever.
- Lots of fast action scenes, some we’ve seen, some we haven’t, including a better look at the orbital skydive sequence (Kirk yells “Whooo-hooo!” like some futuristic Duke boy) and some more Orion boob-smooching.
- Other stuff we’ve seen before.
I’m wincing at this, but I suspect this trailer was designed to appeal to the people who would never watch Star Trek, like, I don’t know, football fans. It’s a market that considers a movie without a bar fight, boobs, war whoops and a guy whining “man!” just not worth seeing.
I’m sure it will be all over the net tomorrow. Watch for it and let me know what you think.