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10 Things You Should Never Say On The First Internet Date

January 29, 2009

If you’ve taken the plunge and signed up for online dating, the odds are good that you’ll have to meet one of your “matches” at some point. You know, go for coffee or something, just to size each other up and see if that physical heartspark is there. A lot of people mesh well online and via email, but the chemistry turns out to be all wrong.

I have some thoughts on this for all you guys out there who are about to head down to Starbucks to meet PrettyMiss84519 for a triple latte. I’m hopeless at this kind of thing, though, so rather than tell you what you should say, I will advise you on what you shouldn’t.

  1. “I’m wearing my costume under my clothes just in case Doc Ock throws a car through the window.”
  2. “Weren’t you in my mom’s class in high school?”
  3. “A lot of the stuff I told you in my email was really just for dramatic effect.”
  4. “Are you okay? You look like you just puked or something.”
  5. “I was digging around in the couch to find enough change for this coffee, and I found a Star Trek action figure I lost a year ago.”
  6. “Wow, you have the same colour eyes as my dog.”
  7. “Remind me I have to pick up condoms after this, okay?”
  8. “I hope you’re not one of those people who’s hung up on stupid stuff, like brushing your teeth every day.”
  9. “The last time I tried this the girl expected me to pay.”
  10. “You remind me a lot of my ex-wife, only not as thin.”

Please don’t ask me how I know about this stuff. Good luck!

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