10 Really Stupid Theories About Lost

January 25, 2009

Okay, so we’re into season 5 of Lost. I won’t spoil it here, just in case you’re one of those people who watches it on DVD when it comes out. I used to be like you, you losers. Now that I’ve been canned, I can stay home and watch all the TV I want … this is the life.

Anyway, I got to thinking about how Lost is going to end. Apparently, at the finale of the next, and final, season (season 6), in 2010, we will have all the answers. Word is only Matthew Fox (Jack) knows the ending. This is apparently either because (a) he has already filmed it or (b) he made Jackfaces at Damen Lindelof and Carlton Cuse until they gave in, sobbing, and told him the score.

I have some theories of my own, based solely on my own observations and not on any inside or advance information, like I could get that stuff anyway. In no particular order now, I offer you 10 ways Lost might end.

  1. They’re all actually on a hovercraft in the future, plugged into VR machines, trying to manipulate the Matrix. Meanwhile, Agents assisted by Terminators are at the door. Admit it: you would love that.
  2. Everyone wakes up, they’re still on the plane, and it was a shared hallucination brought on by Hurley’s Cheeto-fuelled sweat. Hey, you saw how sweaty he was when he got on the plane. It could happen.
  3. The Island is actually a Truman Show type facility in the desert outside Los Angeles, and aliens are using it to create TV shows for audience back home. “This week, watch the doctor person run through the jungle!”
  4. This has all been an elaborate scheme by the airline to avoid lawsuits. “We crashed you on a desert island? Well, after we’re done with you, the crash will be the least of your concerns!” This would mean Cindy the Flight Attendant is Jacob.
  5. The Island is a place for people with superpowers (healing, immortality, teleportation) to gather before jumping around in time. It’s a place where Jack discovers Syler is his brother, and … wait, what?
  6. It’s Narnia. You know, where time works differently, big statues loom and innocent Earth kids get caught up in all kinds of adventures. You must remember the Narnian scientific research stations, right?
  7. It’s Oz. Hey, there have been plenty of hints. “Henry Gale?” Come on. It’s pretty blatant. Also, there was that scene in season 2 where they skipped down the Yellow Brick Road.
  8. It’s Wonderland. “Through The Looking Glass,” anyone? The smoke monster is really just the cheshire cat in a new form, and John Locke is Alice.
  9. It’s Fantasy Island. I like this one the best. Let’s say Fantasy Island went under in the 80s. All that reality-bending machinery was left to go south, causing all this weirdness. Maybe the Dharma Initiative was Fantasy Island’s backer, and they wanted the guests to show up so they could test all their mindwarpery. Maybe Mr. Roarke is Jacob.
  10. The castaways may have stumbled onto the set of a science fiction movie being filmed, and through a comedy of errors (a la Tropic Thunder) become caught up in real adventure. The director thinks they’re extras. The castaways don’t clue in. And as all this is happening, the movie’s star is “roughing it” to get a feel for island living. Yes, Tom Cruise is Jacob.


  1. I only made it to the episode about the polar beer in the first season before getting bored; my theory was at the time that the island was something like the island of Dr Moreau

  2. It’s a spaceship. If you read actually what real scientists think about LOST, that’s what it is.

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