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What’s With All The Bumcracks?

December 6, 2008

I have seen more bumcracks this week than the first four tables at a proctologist’s convention dinner. Male and female, young and old. I can’t figure it out.

Two of the worst offenders were spotted today at Value Village. Even my kids saw them, and snickered. These were two young princesses of the Almost-Used-Up-My-Student-Loan variety, dressed in that classic Canadian winter ensemble, tight jeans and stiletto heels. They were browsing pretty much in parallel to us, and every time they passed we got a glimpse of a couple of feet of crackness. Not cool.

And it was like that all week. The clerk at the dollar store. A mother at parent-teacher interviews. The guy on the ladder stocking shelves at Canadian Tire. I just couldn’t stop spotting crack, and you can’t look away fast enough when that business makes an appearance.

I can see it happening by accident. But I get the distinct impression that’s not the case in much of what I saw this week. No, these people are wearing low-slung jeans, hiking them down as far as they can … and do not appear to be wearing underwear. Really, not sexy, people. Not in the slightest.

So please, please, pull up your trousers. It’s a matter of global importance.

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