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All I Want For Christmas

November 25, 2008

Dear Santa,

You may remember me. We first met when I was little, and didn’t behave very often, but you brought me some very cool G.I. Joe Adventure Team sets, and a red pedal-car. Later, we sort of fell out, though. There was that year I really wanted a three-speed bike and you brought me my very own file cabinet … but I’m not bitter.

Things changed later, of course, when I ended up dressing like you in a shopping mall, and the spirit of Christmas came along … that’s a whole other story.

Look, I’ve been good this year. I’ve been friendly, and caring, and kind. I have taught my children well and been polite to almost all of my coworkers. I have loved my lady and loved my two mamas. So I think, this year, I really deserve something cool.

So here’s what I want:

That’s the Moller Skycar. It’s one of the world’s great inventions, maybe, or possibly one of the world’s biggest scams. I first heard of it in Clive Cussler’s Atlantis Found, which has Dirk Pitt and Al Giordino zooming across the Andes in a Skycar, zipping around like a Federation shuttle, hovering, landing, that sort of thing. It uses four rotating jet engines for VTOL capability, seats two, or sometimes four, comes in red, and has satellite radio, maybe.

In real life, the Skycar, which has reportedly cost $200 million to develop, can hover about 15 feet off the ground … all while hanging from a crane “for insurance reasons.”

There have been lawsuits, SEC probes, complaints, you name it, about the Skycar, but inventer Paul Moller keeps soldiering forward, and I admire that. I like anyone who picks a vision and sticks with it for a long time — in this case, close to 40 years.

I would like a Skycar, Santa. So please, please, go ahead and buy one. Paul Moller could use the dough. I could use the transportation, because, as you know, I live at the top of a steep hill and it’s been a slippery drive lately. It would be so much easier to just land in the back 40. Plus, the kids would really like it. And if it really is a big pile of what-the-fuckness, then I can park it on my front lawn and sell tickets for kids to sit in it or something.

Come to think of it, Santa, you could use a Skycar, assuming that it flies. Put some bells on it, put the reindeer in the barn, and fly, fly fly.

See you Christmas Eve,

Weathereye

PS: Here’s a video of the thing. Note the crane on the right.

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4 comments

  1. I’ve been waiting for him to get this thing ‘off the ground'(hee hee, ain’t I clever) ever since it was on the cover of Popular Science a few years ago. It looks cool as hell, but the lack of any sort of gliding ability in the event of engine loss worries me a lot.


  2. Dear Santa,

    I would like Westhereye’s ability to post several large, quality entries a day.

    Thank you,
    Jakob


  3. Dear Jakob,

    While it may be easy to admire weathereye’s many long, detailed posts, please remember that he does so by almost never sleeping, which has a nasty payoff every three or four days. Be careful what you wish for, son, for it may come true.

    Love,
    Santa

    p.s. If you ever get around to behaving, I have that Skeletor you wanted.


  4. Dear Mr. Ereye,

    Am intrigued by reference to Clive Cussler’s Atlantis Found in your article on flying yoghurt sponsorship. Being between my own heroic writing projects currently, I’m researching his Valhalla Rising for my literary analysis blog “The Thriller in a Manila”. Be assured that I will make a careful note of the Müller Skycar in case it becomes vital at some later point. Thank you for your diligence.

    Regards,

    Cliff Knoetz
    (author of the epic Don Brawn canon-sera)



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