Archive for October 8th, 2008

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Ryan Gosling, Green Lantern?

October 8, 2008

In darkest day … in blackest night … no evil shall escape my sight … let those who worship evil’s might … beware my power … Green Lantern’s Light!

Rumours coming out of Warner Brothers indicate the studio would really, really like to get Next Big Thing Ryan Gosling into the green-and-black tights of superhero Green Lantern.

This current script calls for the classic Hal Jordan version of the character — a heroic young test pilot who is given an alien power ring of infinite power, then becomes a member of a galactic “police force” of similarly armed aliens.

For a while, there was a Jack Black version being bandied about. That reeks of suck. Jim Carrey also wanted to do a Green Lantern riff back in the ’90s, and again, that didn’t happen. Over the last year we’ve heard rumours of Justin Long (uh, no), Seth Green (uh, super-no) and David Boreanaz (not bad) suiting up.

This is the best one yet, though. Young Hercules is a pretty fine actor, and if this script stays true to the Jordan character, Gosling would be able to pull of the heroics while also channelling some of the character’s inner demons.

There was a rumour a few weeks back that Gosling was up for First Avenger: Captain America, but guess what? He’s Canadian. Can you imagine the outcry?

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Today’s Moron: Like, I Want To Be a Blonde Again

October 8, 2008

Today’s Moron is Charlotte F. of Stratford, Connecticut, who told a court she couldn’t work and couldn’t even leave the house because … she was no longer blonde.

Charlotte sued L’Oreal in 2005, claiming a bottle of brown dye was mistakenly packed in a box for blonde. When she applied it, it darkened her hair — permanently, she claims — causing her social life to collapse and landing her on anti-depressants because, uh, she couldn’t date or something, I don’t know. She went on to say her hair stayed brown years after the dye job, causing further distress, so much so that she couldn’t work and had to wear hats.

The judge told her to get lost. And rightly so. I have to wonder about people who file lawsuits like this. It makes no sense. So I have to ask:

  1. No matter how permanent the dye is, won’t your hair will grow back, and grow back in its natural colour?
  2. If she’s a natural blonde, why was she buying blonde hair dye?
  3. How shallow is her life that having brown hair would mean she can’t leave the house?

Ultimately, and sadly, the judge didn’t have to address the stupidity of this whole thing. He just stuck to the law and ruled that Charlotte did not and could not prove her case: that L’Oreal mis-packaged the dye. (The company denied it all along)

You know, I bought underwear with too high a polyester count in it a while ago, and I have had some itchy moments, and I once finally indulged and someone looked at me funny. You don’t see me suing Fruit of the Loom.

I feel kind of bad making fun of this woman like this. Wait, no I don’t. Anyone this shallow deserves a little mockery.

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Mary-Jane Watson is Stupid

October 8, 2008

So, as we hear that Sam Raimi, Tobey Maguire and Kirstin Dunst are returning for Spider-Man IV and V (to be shot back-to-back), I guess it’s time to take a look at the last three movies.

My biggest beef has always been with Tobey. He looks the part of Peter Parker, but he just is not, in the slightest, heroic. And that voice … Also, if you go back and watch the first movie again, you’ll notice he has this habit of not responding to dialogue and just staring at the person speaking to him. That bugs me.

I believed Christopher Reeve and Superman were different people. I bought into Ben Affleck and Val Kilmer. But I never once thought that anyone who knew Peter Parker wouldn’t see past that voice and not notice who Spider-Man really was. But hey, I’m a geeky middle-aged Canadian. I’m no Kirsten Dunst.

So here are the 10 times stupid Mary-Jane Watson should have figured out Peter Parker was Spider-Man.

  • Uh, the voice.
  • She goes with Peter and their classmates to an exhibition of genetically modified spiders, and he gets bitten by one.
  • The next day, he does that balancing rescue act with the cafeteria tray, and she says “nice reflexes.” Kind of an understatement.
  • A few minutes later, he backflips over a bad guy and kicks several bullies’ asses while not wearing his glasses. Ding! As Clark Kent will tell you, glasses are key.
  • His uncle is killed, a guy with webs chases down the killer, it undoubtedly ends up in the papers and on TV, and nobody wonders who the kid in the ski mask spinning webs actually was.
  • When he first appears to her in costume (Spider-Man, the original movie), he actually calls out to her as the balcony collapses. “Mary-Jane!” he cries before swooping in. She never asks how he knew her name.
  • Then they chat on the roof, and he tells her: “You know who I am.” But she doesn’t. Even though it’s Tobey Maguire, with that voice.
  • They chat on the street and she wanders off to be accosted by thugs, but is rescued by Spider-Man who is conveniently nearby, Not Wearing His Mask, and she still can’t figure it out.
  • She keeps being kidnapped by villains who are using her to get to Spider-Man, and it never occurs to her that maybe he’s someone she knows.
  • They have several conversations and she doesn’t recognize his voice. Because he has a stupid voice, and you would think she would notice. But she doesn’t.

Okay, after thinking about this really hard I guess I have to say Mary Jane is kind of dumb, unlike her comics counterpart, who was and is actually deadly cool. At least Lois Lane had an excuse – Clark wore glasses, and Superman didn’t.

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BlackBerry Storm

October 8, 2008

You wanna see the new BlackBerry? Here it is: sleek, smooth and shiny. It’s the BlackBerry Storm, and it explodes across the planet today. Well, some parts of the planet.

I’ve been leaning towards a BlackBerry for some time now, even as the iPhone hype rolled over us. As a loyal iPod user, I should really consider going with the iPhone when my current contract runs out in March — but I’m just not convinced. Likewise the BlackBerry, or the Nokia, or any of the other smartphones.

I do know that my next phone will have a keyboard. I am at the stage now where I need 24-7 web accessibility, both for work, for pleasure and for the Weather Station. I also have to replace my dying four-year-old iPod soon, which is going to be a pain, and to be honest I think I would like to watch episodes of Lost on something I hold in my hand.

This guy Richard Smith keeps me up to speed on what’s what in the world of wireless telephony, as it’s something he knows a lot about and I do not. He said earlier tonight he was eyeing the new BlackBerry Storm, which gets its official launch today.

Here it is. Now, the cool thing about this new phone is BlackBerry has dumped its keyboard in favour of a “clickable touchscreen.” This means it’s tactile, giving the impression, sound and feel of real keys, but not, uh, with real keys. It sounds really impressive, and I am looking forward to trying it, because I liked the iPhone I tried out and I think touchscreens are neat, but I have never understood how they work. Hey, I don’t even really know what “3G” means, but this Storm thingie is also apparently 3G. It also has, as I have been told but do not fully grasp, a 3.2 megapixel camera, video camera, 1GB internal memory plus a slot for 8 gigs via MicroSD. That’s a lot of Star Trek episodes.

But the key feature is the touchscreen and its “clickability.”

“You feel it,” Research in Motion CEO Jim Balsillie told The Canadian Press last night, discussing what I guess is a virtual keyboard. “There’s a real click to it. It actually moves.”

Now, that can’t be right — how can a virtual key really move? Hmm. Well, if anyone can do this, RIM can.

The Storm will be carried by Verizon Wireless in the United States and Vodaphone in the U.K., the rest of Europe, Australia and India later this fall. In Canada, it will run on Bell and Telus, which is good news for me, the longtime Telus client.

As things stand now, this will be my next telephone. That may change. But I do believe Canadian-born, Canadian-owned Research in Motion has trumped everyone else (yet again) and created the next must-have device.

I’ll try one out as soon as I can and let you know how that goes.

UPDATE: I forgot I even wrote this. You want to know about the Storm? It bites weiner. That’s all I have to say. I haven’t ruled out a BlackBerry but it sure won’t be this weird thing.

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