Dear. Ms. Jane Doe
You don’t know me. But I was standing behind you today at the YMCA, and I want to apologize now for looking at your bum crack.
To be fair, it was hard to avoid. You were squatting to fiddle with your child’s stroller, and there it was in all its glory. I looked away as quickly as I could but I did see a fair bit.
I think you should shoulder some of the blame, though. Those kinds of jeans aren’t really meant for women who also own strollers. And while I have become somewhat accustomed to the sight of young ladies exposing their thong straps, it just isn’t becoming on a lady of your station.
I would also like to apologize on behalf of the teenaged boys standing to my left, who quite openly looked down your backside and were clearly having a good time doing so.
Again, I’m sorry, I really am.
p.s. You should really wear underwear