Burger King Makes My Day

I’ve just come back from Burger King. I decided to check out the new line of Star Trek toys they’re giving away with kids’ meals. So I went through the drive-thru, and ordered two kids’ meals, one with chicken tenders and one with a cheeseburger.

At the pickup window, the woman who took my payment asked if I wanted two of the same toys or two different. “Different,” I told her. She handed me Little Kirk and Little Uhura.

“Here’s the boy and the girl,” she said. “I don’t know their names because I don’t watch the show.” She said this with a vicious little sneer. I suddenly felt a little ashamed. Here I was, ordering junk food just to get my hands on cheapie toys, and she was looking down on me.

A moment later, a man appeared at the window and handed me the two bags of food. I drove home, sat down at the patio and opened the bags … and found, inside, a Little Scotty and a tricorder. I’d been double-freebied. It made the whole journey worthwhile.

So I have now, sitting in front of my monitor, Kirk, Scotty and Uhura. They’re mini-figurines, sort of like bobbleheads but without the bobbling. They are remarkable likenesses, far more so than the Playmates action figures. Scotty, in particular, looks just like Simon Pegg. And they talk. Scotty is the funniest; Kirk, for some reason, speaks in Shatner’s voice. The tricorder speaks in Chris Pine’s. I don’t get that.

The tricorder is a dumbed-down version, cute, but silly. And from the images I’ve seen of the ships, I can only say what? What are those? Full points for the figures, though.

I know I’ll go back for more. And I haven’t even started on the glasses yet. The kids’ meals? I ate ‘em. You don’t think I’d let my kids eat that stuff, do you?

Drive-Thru at Warp 9.9

The next time you see me, I will have eaten 35 bacon double cheeseburgers, 16 pounds of fries and enough onion rings to reach from here to … uh, down the street. This is because Burger King, my favourite fast-food place, is about to launch its Star Trek tie-in toys.

I could go into detail, but Trekmovie.com did it so much better. As you know, I am a 35-year collector of Star Trek toys, and these look like fun — even if they’re a little dopey. The glasses, though, are gorgeous. And the little giant-headed Simon Pegg would look great on my dashboard. I like the idea of Simon Pegg watching me while I drive.

Meanwhile, I’ve seen the new Playmates toys at Wal-Mart — some of them, not the ships, though — and they look like crap. I’m disappointed. However, there’s always Diamond Select.

What’s that? Of course I want fries with that! Save your stupid salad for the adults.

‘Cheeseburger, Double, Hot’

Burger King has just announced that it will be the official fast-food tie-in for the new Star Trek movie. This means, come next spring, Star Trek kids’ meals, prizes, etc. will be available with Whoppers, Chicken Tenders, Bacon Double Cheeseburgers and fries.

This presents a problem for me, a three-pronged crisis:

1. I kind of like Star Trek.
2. I kind of like burgers. And you should know that ‘kind of’ means “extra-super really.”
3. Burger King is known for its high-quality giveaway toys. Remember their Lord of the Rings promo? I know I’m going to have to get me some of that Trek stuff.

So I can see this growing into a situation next year. And you know what? I don’t care. I’ll probably get even porkier if I go ahead with this, but given my earlier promise to go into training for the giant burger challenge, I guess it would be okay to Spurlock my way through the Burger King menu in order to assemble a collection of Trek memorabilia.

One good thing about this: My kids will be okay with it. “Hey, guys, listen up. I know I always tell you we can’t get fast food because it isn’t good for you, and I know I tell you we should stick with healthy stuff we make ourselves, but this week it’s the Enterprise that actually lights up, so put on your sneakers, we’s-a going to BK!”

All in all, a win-win situation for all the Weathereyes, it looks like. Spring can’t come fast enough.