So you look at the positives:
- Bullets would bounce off your pelvis.
- You played lost Beatle Stu Sutcliffe in Backbeat, and also appeared in a Limp Bizkit video and on Diff’rent Strokes.
- Random people hand you Coronas, and you skip the whole “lemon or lime?” bullshit.
- You’re hanging out on an Italian beach with Sofia Coppola and her new boyfriend, Quentin Tarantino, because she dumped Spike Jonze for being too non-nerdy.
- Despite Cold Creek Manor, people still offer you acting roles, like your next movie, which is about porn stars.
- You look better in a swimsuit than Quentin Tarantino.
And then you look at the negatives.
- You’re Stephen Dorff.