Archive for July 9th, 2010

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Oh, Meccano

July 9, 2010

Oh Meccano, oh small and slippery, oh lost somewhere in the carpet, or perhaps behind the sofa

How you foil my palsied touch

How you foil my years-old plan

To keep you hidden in the cold storage room, where you have lain since you were given to my oldest son by my mother, who means well with presents, but once gave me a pink sweater with a picture of a sailboat on it, and it clashed with my mullet

Oh Meccano, oh tiny and difficult, offering promises of wonder but instead proving to be fucking annoying as hell

How your packaging tempts my younger son

How your marketing makes him think he will soon have a new toy car

But all he ends up with is a frustrated father who remembers why he left his career as a watch repair technician behind and instead followed a path that does not involve fine motor skills, and never golf, by the way

Oh, Meccano, oh stupid little wrench and miniscule washers

How the car I built wobbles and looks stupid

How my son, halfway through, started shooting me with his Nerf gun

And will awaken in the morn to be told the Tooth Fairy came and took his Meccano, because that’s what she does on her vacation.

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I Kissed An Oompa Loompa … And I Liked It

July 9, 2010

Here’s Katy Perry. I have no idea what’s happening in this photo, but it appears to be either the world’s best house party or the world’s worst art school. Or maybe the other way around.

The sad thing about this photo is that you probably didn’t notice the Oompa Loompas at first.

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