Archive for December 13th, 2009

h1

Manly Tips 8: Music

December 13, 2009

Dear Marius,

I consider you to be a manly man. One of the manliest I know, in fact. You were in the military, you know how to use pretty much every arcane hand tool there is, and you have a tattoo of a dragon on your arm. And then there was the time you used a speargun to fight off enemy agents while scuba diving in Greece … you define “manly.”

This is why I am having trouble with your recent obsession with Lady Gaga. You have made some statements regarding this performer that I find to be not so manly (you know which one I mean). And when you mentioned that you were listening to Poker Face on repeat while cleaning the house and doing laundry, I felt I had to say something.

Men listen to five types of music:

  1. AC/DC
  2. Zeppelin
  3. Stones
  4. Motorhead
  5. Elvis

And that’s it. Other music is permitted as long as it relates, in some way, to those three groups. After all, Marius, you and I share a common interest in Blue Oyster Cult, right? That kind of music is okay, as are other classic rock bands and the kind of metal that doesn’t involve makeup on dudes. Country is permitted … if you’re an actual cowboy. If you’re listening to Taylor Swift while driving your Kia, you suck. And it’s okay to listen to some classical or opera, as long as it’s the horror-movie kind with swords and death. Christmas Carols are also permitted, but only on Christmas day, and only while you’re unwrapping your new scroll saw.

If you do have to listen to Lady Gaga, here’s my suggestion: put the CD in the case from Their Satanic Majesties Request. If you’re one of these all-digital downloader types, use an ID3 tag editor to relabel your Lady Gaga songs as the tracks from Dirty Deeds. That way, if one of the housewives at the nail salon looks over and sees the screen of your MP3 player, you can at least save a little face.

Regards,

Weathereye

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 410 other followers