Today’s Morons: Dean Gardener & Jason Fender
October 7, 2009If you’re a stupid drunken bully, the only thing worse than getting beat up by two drag queens is having the whole thing caught on video.
Dean Gardener, 19, and Jason Fender, 22, know about that. These two champs were out roaming Swansea, Wales, drunk, belligerent, looking for a fight, when they spotted two men in glittery dresses and wigs. “Wot’s this?” they might have said. “Let’s kick a little arse!” This was nothing new for these two, who were caught on police surveillance camera picking fights with everybody around them. So they marched up to the two drag queens, with another friend seemingly trying to hold them back.
What happened next was priceless. One of the drunken knobs punched one of the drag queens. These glittering, muscular “ladies of the night” responded with a flurry of short, sharp punches, putting both dickheads down on the sidewalk in what seems like half a second. A drag queen offered up a solid rib-kick to the cider-barrel to finish the job. And the other casually leaned over, rummaged around under Gardener and Fender for his purse, and off they strolled.
Gardener and Fender tried to get up. One of them staggered a few yards before collapsing again (the large amount of cider they’d had might have contributed), and they finally managed to weave their way away from the crowd that had witnessed their humiliation. And then police arrived and arrested them. The whole incident was caught on video:
When I got back from Toronto last night, I was waiting for some tea to brew at my mothers’ house, and was standing in the living room, looking out the window. A fight was breaking out in the high school parking lot across the street. Nothing major, just one skinny kid bugging another skinny kid on a bike. The first kid pulled the other kid’s backpack, blocked his handlebars, that kind of bully stuff. But then he punched him in the head. There was a bit more scuffle, and a few other boys formed a ring around the bully and his victim (there was no chance that this was a fight; it was pretty onesided). Then a small car pulled into the yard, and the bully just stopped what he was doing, got in the passenger side, and the car left. Game over.
What is it about some morons? Why do they feel this need to go around picking fights? Why do they need to target smaller kids, or people they think are gay, or people of other races? I could burn out my brain trying to figure it out. And while I am no fan of a surveillance society, this case proves why cameras are needed outside busy night areas, like the Kingsway in Swansea, or the main drag in my city, which has something like 40 bars catering to the 15,000 students who rock the place each autumn until the student loan money comes out. Ambulances park on side streets, just waiting, because they know what’s coming. It looks just like that video.
This is why I stay home on weekends.
Anyway, Gardener and Fender eventually pleaded guilty to using offensive words and behaviour, and will spend the next few months under electronically monitored home detention. The drag queens? Not drag queens at all. They were apparently two professional cage fighters dressed up for a costume party. I guess if you kick ass for a living, you can wear whatever you want.
This incident is proof of that old parental adage: Every bully will eventually pick on someone they shouldn’t.
