Today’s Moron: Crystal Defanti

July 2, 2009

Your kid brings a DVD home from school. Maybe it has a note with it: “Celebrate a great school year with this collection of fun memories!” What a neat idea, you tell yourself as you pop the disc in the player.

It’s what you expect. For a few minutes, you and your children watch jumpy, poorly lit scenes from the classroom, images of friends and teachers and … wait, what the -?

You’re too busy staring openmouthed, shocked, at the sudden insertion of pornography into your TV to answer your child’s question: “Is that Ms. Defanti?”

It sure is. That’s fifth-grade teacher Crystal Defanti, from the Sacramento area, who works at Isabelle Jackson Elementary School in Elk Grove, California. And she’s naked. And she’s gettin’ down. Somehow, Crystal — who was on the ball enough to already have a porn name — included homemade X-rated footage in the DVD she assembled for her students. You can sort of see it here.

So what’s the aftermath? If you recall, something slightly similar happened in Wales a while ago, and that cost two teachers their jobs. Is Defanti out of work? Nope. The school board has decided to review the incident, but she’ll keep her job. And the DVD will be recalled, re-edited and re-distributed without the funky footage of Crystal having a romp on the sofa.

I don’t understand that part. She shouldn’t keep her job. Yes, this was all just a stupid mistake, but for her to continue teaching is impossible; what student could ever take her seriously again? People in such important positions of trust and authority deserve second chances in a lot of situations, but not this time. Besides, you know a whole lot of Elk Grove dads copied that DVD before returning it. As I’ve mentioned before, digital media never dies — it just lies in wait for you.

This is the third incident this week (that I’ve read) concerning teachers and pornography. It makes me wonder what was really going on in those smoke-filled, coffee-soaked teachers’ lounges when I was a kid. Remember those? You’d walk by and glance in if the door was ajar, catching a quick glimpse of what looked like a party before the science teacher with the bushy beard would angrily slam the door on you. Now I know why there was always such a long wait to get ahold of the school’s only video camera back then.

Anyway, I suspect this incident will prompt more dads to show up for parent-teacher interviews with Ms. Defanti next year. “How you doin?”


  1. The only appropriate response to this is an epic session of facepalming.

  2. Where were these teachers when I was in school?! Although, come to think of it, I don’t imagine the scars from seeing some of my teachers in flagrante delecto would have ever healed.

  3. Best sex education they’ll ever get in the USA :P

    • Couldn’t agree more.

  4. You’re either going to get this reference or you aren’t, but I think I finally have a proper context for the term “Bad Clown”!

  5. Doesn’t the teacher or person making the dvd check the content before distributing? She really IS a moron! I would be furious if my kids’ teacher was sprawled out on the screen like that.. and I would demand that she be released from her duties as teacher.

  6. very nice.


  7. If these were highschool students, or even junior high…I’d think it was funny. Kindof grossed out that it was fifth graders. And….how does one make that “mistake”? I want to laugh….I just seriously can’t wrap my brain around any of it. Maybe that’s a good thing?

  8. You are indeed correct on this blog post!!!

  9. Thank god some bloggers can still write. Thanks for this post!!

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