Archive for June 23rd, 2009

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10 Things You MUST Know About Tony Pucci

June 23, 2009

From TigerBeat, June 2009 …

He’s Wow! He’s Now! He’s Cool! He’s All That! He’s, like, Tony! Hey, you all know who I’m talking about, girls. Yes, it’s TONY! Maybe you hummed his groovy hit Graveyard Stare on your way to school this morning! Maybe you and your friends like to sing the words to Dear Osama while you do your hair! Yeah, Tony’s the one! And he might be playing in YOUR town soon!

Heads up, TigerBeat fans: Here are 10 things you MUST know about Tony!

  1. He has recorded 956 albums of AWESOME music! And he plays all the instruments! And he SINGS all the songs!
  2. In the olden days, he had Big Bad Hair!
  3. If it has strings, he can play it. Watch out, harps!
  4. When he isn’t making the world safe for democracy with a soldering iron, he can make you a fantastic samwich! With or without alfalfa sprouts, at your request!
  5. You can hear him on the Pollyana Cowgirl Records podcast, and also at Fatal Interview! And sometimes he sings in the shower!
  6. He’ll tattoo your name on his arm if you send him a fan letter without spelling mistakes! Send him enough money, and he’ll get 56 stars tattooed on his face. He won’t even lie about it afterward!
  7. He made a cool record with Jakob from Nerd Hurdles! And they’ve never even MET!
  8. He lives in Minnesota but DOESN’T sound like that lady cop from Fargo!
  9. His name sounds really cool when you say it five times fast!
  10. He’s now a Starbase 66-er, thanks to the latest episode of the world’s second-greatest Star Trek podcast! Check it out!

On a more serious note, folks, Tony’s latest project is an important one. Please take a look at Songs For Jenny here.

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Today’s Moron: Craigslist ID 1126876415

June 23, 2009

This is the kind of father who makes the rest of us work so hard to be accepted as decent men.

Read this, first of all. Then come back. I will answer your obvious questions first

  1. Yes, it may be a hoax. But it rings of truth. This sounds like something a creative, intelligent father with a really low moral barometer would dream up. Anyone else would just drive the dog out to the edge of town and let it run loose.
  2. Yes, it may be an attempt to launch a new Internet meme. If so, well, I read it on reddit, and now it’s moving on. So, nicely done.
  3. Yes, anyone who would make kids cry is a walking dicklick. Feel free to point that out in comments, too.

At any rate, I don’t pay a lot of attention to Craigslist (I’m a Kijiji man when it comes to online buy-and-sell), but I found it interesting to note the other day that ever since Craigslist backed away from prostitution ads, newspapers are picking up the slack. I’ve worked in newspapers for more than 20 years, and the escort ads are one of those nudge-nudge wink-wink open secrets. And I can’t recall any complaints.

Once, a few of us young reporters gathered to see just who kept placing these ads. What a disappointment — it was a sloppy middle-aged guy with saggy jeans and greasy hair. He renewed his six Call Now For A Visit From A Young Lady (Now Hiring) ads, then loped outside, picking his ear as he went. Of course, he got into a restored vintage Corvette.

I had a point in here somewhere ….

Oh yeah: If I were in the right area, I would contact this guy, take the job — because I am, after all, a pretty decent actor — go through with it, collect the cash … then return to the “new” family, give them the $500, take the dog back to Mr. Prick’s house in the middle of the night, tie it to his fence, ring the bell and run. Let him try it again.

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Prison Break II

June 23, 2009

There’s more to the recent escape of murderer Andrew John Wood, as Ontario newspapers are reporting today. It seems the psychologist at the Frontenac prison where Wood was serving his murder sentence has been charged with helping him flee.

Erin Danto, 35, was charged last week with aiding and abetting. Not that this was any high-tech, well-planned escape in the Michael Scofield vein; no, this is a low-security facility, and Wood just strolled away one day. He was caught last week north of Kingston, with Danto. Now he’s back behind bars — and I hope he really is behind bars, and not on some “work farm,” and Danto is facing trial.

Authorities say the two were caught up in a romantic relationship, and Danto helped Wood escape, then set him up with supplies so he could camp out in the forest for a while. This, as you now know, backfired. Read more here.

Unlike the Prison Break TV show, this doctor-inmate relationship will not end with dramatic escapes, miraculous resurrections, spy adventures and wardrobe changes at every commercial break. This will end with a couple of losers separated forever. As it should.

I’m sure Wood’s victim’s daughter, who replied to my earlier post on this topic, is relieved that this killer is in custody. Hey, I am, too, as is everyone who lives within hiding-in-the-bushes distance of Wood’s easy-to-flee prison.

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