Archive for June 14th, 2009

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Prison Break: Actual Murderer On The Loose Around Here

June 14, 2009

This guy broke out of prison an hour away from me this weekend. If you see him, call the cops. You’re looking for a pretty generic looking guy named Andrew John Wood, who killed a man in the 80s.

Here’s an article detailing the very not daring jailbreak. Note the line about how the prison’s perimeter is “not directly controlled by guards” or something. This makes me wonder why more people like Andrew John Wood don’t escape. But jailbreaks are actually pretty rare in Canada, which is why this makes the news — and the Weather Station.

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Venus Looks A Lot Like Northern Ontario

June 14, 2009

Researchers are taking a new look at photos shot by the Venera probes on Venus in 1982. By twiddling knobs and adjusting settings, we’re now getting clearer, sharper images of our sister planet’s surface.

Don’t be fooled by the photo, though. As docile as the image is — it looks like my old schoolyard — you need to know that the atmosphere of Venus would leave you boiling and exploding in seconds, and also give you a giant zit on your nose the night before you’re having coffee with that hot girl from plentyofffish.com. Summary: Venus is not a pleasant place.

Here’s the full article.

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Today’s Moron: Rusty DePass

June 14, 2009
Rusty

Rusty

First of all, Rusty DePass, some kind of Republican activist, has a cool name. Sadly, that’s the only good thing I can say about him tonight.

Rusty was caught on Facebook responding to someone’s post about a gorilla that escaped from a zoo in Columbia, South Carolina. Here is his enlightened response: “I’m sure it’s just one of Michelle’s ancestors — probably harmless.”

Just in case you weren’t sure what he was talking about, DePass later went on a TV news show and explained that he was thinking of First Lady Michelle Obama when he made that Facebook comment. So, to make it clear: He said Michelle Obama’s ancestors were gorillas.

And then he capped it with a classic non-apology: “I am as sorry as I can be if I offended anyone.” See how that works? He isn’t sorry that he said it. He’s sorry if you took it the wrong way. But not really.

Anyway, he wasn’t done. Rusty tried to justify his stupidity by claiming Michelle Obama has been known to say humans descended from apes. “The comment was hers. Not mine,” he told reporters.

Nah, Rusty, it was yours. It was yours, and it was stupid, and it was on Facebook. Rusty is no longer on Facebook; his account strangely vanished today.

Let’s review the problems here:

  • The idea that some people claim humans descended from apes is a fallacy. No scientist believes this. What is believed — with a lot of evidence to back it up — is that humans and modern apes (and even monkeys) descended from a common ancestor. Morons like to trot out the “descended from monkeys” bit, though. Check out “comedian” Steve Harvey’s position on this issue.
  • Comparing people of African descent to apes or monkeys is a hot-button no-no. We don’t like it, because of a few centuries of some pretty serious shit.
  • Making things up, and blaming your victim, to cover your tracks is the pinnacle of stupid.

Is it just me, or are aging cracker Republicans becoming a little more blatant in their racism? I’ll have to think about that. Anyway, I have nothing more to say about this moron, except this: Maybe he should go to the zoo and share his theory with that pissed-off gorilla. Say, why am I suddenly thinking of the ending of Trading Places?

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