Today's Moron: Daniel Duran

Something I’ve noticed over the past year of cataloguing morons: If your stupidity involves your goods, you’re going to end up featured here.

This is the case with Daniel Duran, an alleged bank robber. He hasn’t been convicted, so he’s technically not guilty, but really, the evidence is pretty clear. A man held up a bank in Houston the other day, and jammed the money bundles down his pants as he made his getaway. What he didn’t know was that the crafty teller had given him money tricked out with those exploding dye packs.

Dye packs are a good idea. Yes, it ruins the money. But they can help identify and catch robbers. Plus it’s funny when stuff explodes on bad guys.

That’s what happened here. When police located their suspect, they found Duran, shirtless, his crotch blasted blue. In fact, he was quite severely burned down there by the explosion of the dye packs. He was treated for second-degree burns, and charged with robbery.

Should I be drawing attention to this guy’s moronic tragedy? Yes. Crime doesn’t pay, kids. And sometimes it really, really doesn’t pay. So stay in school and don’t do drugs. Also, don’t stuff explosives in your drawers.

Meanwhile, there used to be a TV entertainment anchor here in Canada named Dan Duran. He and I were hanging out at a film festival once, and I asked him about his name. He told me it was a pseudonym, and revealed his real last name to me, and I agreed that Duran was a good choice.

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