Dear Greg Gutfeld:
I know you’re supposed to be some kind of comedian, and I know your journalistic experience consists of working at Maxim magazine. And you have a show on Fox Stupid News in which you and some other winners poke fun at pop culture icons and discuss the news in a fun, light way. I get that. I do that myself. It’s called satire, and it’s an integral part of the media — in fact, it has been for as long as there’s been media.
But you went too far the other night, Greg, you stupid no-bag. Because you made fun of Canada’s military. You cast some real aspersions on the fighting forces of my country just as four more were dying in combat.
Did you and your pack of moronic puppies really not know that Canadians are on the ground, fighting, in the hottest hot zones in Afghanistan? Did you not know our soldiers are dying over there alongside American troops? Do you not understand that you can poke fun all you want, but you do not ever belittle an army at war?
Oh, wait, you apologized today: “However, I realize that my words may have been misunderstood. It was not my intent to disrespect the brave men, women and families of the Canadian military, and for that I apologize.”
Nobody misunderstood you, stupid. You said what you said, and your lame apology, which came only after our government insisted on it, makes it worse. Wait, no, you made it worse: you went on Twitter and wrote this: “My apologies to the Canadian military, they probably could at least beat the Belgians.” Yeah, that’s the way, Gutflap. Insult another country’s military — and the Belgians are capable of serious asskickery, let me tell you — while you’re “apologizing.”
Your attitude toward this is an insult. You really want to apologize? Email me: firstname.lastname@example.org. I’ll put you in touch with my aunt and uncle, who lost a son over there, a Canadian soldier, and you can tell them how you were “misunderstood.”
Tell you what, Gutless: Pack an extra jockstrap, ship out to Kandahar and spend a week with some Canadians as they dodge rifle fire. Feel their dread, a dread that never leaves their hearts, as the threat of a random suicide bomb hangs in the air like poison gas. Feel their pain, their anguish, as they lie injured, their comrades dying around them. Give that a try, buddy, then go back on your stupid show and crack jokes about Canadian soldiers.