“I only cheated this much, because I never got her last name.”
It’s February 14th, Valentine’s Day, an international day of romance named for a Roman who was executed for allowing Christians to marry, maybe. Or perhaps another guy. It’s all very confusing. Nowadays, you can tell it’s Valentine’s Day because the dollar store has a whole aisle of pink and red crap, usually by early December.
Anyway, if you’re a man, let me offer some advice: here are 10 things you should not say today, under any circumstances …
- “That’s today?”
- “I consider Valentine’s Day to be a made-up corporate holiday, and reject the notion that I must spend to show my love for you.”
- “I forgot to call the sitter. Let’s just bring the kids out to dinner with us.”
- “Look, baby: His and hers Nascar tickets!”
- “Home-made presents show how much I really love you.”
- “There’s a Star Trek: Deep Space Nine marathon on channel 56 today!”
- “But I paid for dinner last year.”
- “My mother called. She needs me to drive up there and clean out the basement. I’ll be back tomorrow.”
- “My ex once gave me the best Valentine’s present ever.”
- “I found this red bra in the backseat of my car. Is it yours?”
