The Family That Mulletizes Together …

There is very little I can say about this photo. Gaze upon it. Feel its mulletry.

I just wonder what they look like now.

Today’s Moron: Senator, uh, Fran Drescher

Today’s Moron is the world’s most annoying actress, Fran Drescher, who announced today that she wants to be appointed to fill Hillary Clinton’s soon-to-be-vacant Senate seat.

I am not fucking with you. She’s serious.

Okay, I’ll tell you too that Gov. David Patterson is considering Caroline Kennedy, the last survivor of Camelot, for the post. You may recall that Caroline played a key role in the Obama campaign, and thus is owed some serious Democrat favour, and this would do the trick. Circumstances notwithstanding, Caroline would make a fine choice; she’s smart, dedicated and comes from a political dynasty with an impeccable (snicker) record.

All that notwithstanding, though, the Nanny has suddenly decided she needs to get into politics. Not only does she think she’s ready, she thinks she’s actually kind of entitled to Clinton’s spot. As she told New York Magazine, she is no stranger to the world of high-stakes international diplomacy: “I’ve just been given the appointment of U.S. diplomat,” she said. “My title is public diplomacy envoy for women’s health issues, and I just got back from a four-country European tour of duty. I believe next I’ll be sent to the Middle East.”

Well, sure, Fran, that makes sense, because that’s exactly like being a senator!

Okay. She does get points for her work on women’s health. As a uterine cancer survivor, she has taken her fame, such as it is, around the world to help women access medical care and information. Kudos for her. I encourage her to keep doing this, and I encourage Barack Obama to find her some kind of post along those lines, something that allows her to do good deeds on the other side of the planet.

I do not think she has ever done anything that qualifies her for a Senate appointment. Let her run in an election, if she wants to serve that way. Let people have a say in it. But appointing an inexperienced actress to that kind of power position is a mistake.

You may like Fran Drescher. You may think she’s a funny actress, or a good person, or whatever. Maybe you loved The Nanny. I did not. My take on this is simple: Fran Drescher rocked the world as Bobbi Flekman in This Is Spinal Tap 25 years ago … and it’s been crap city ever since. That voice! That hair! That one-note acting style!

“I’m an authentic and honest person,” she told New York Magazine. “And I think Capitol Hill needs more of that.”

Maybe it does. But can you imagine that honking whine echoing through the Senate?

An Email to Stephane Dion, From Sarah Palin

To: sdion@starwarsfanclub.com
From: governorsarah@gmail.com
Re: Ha Ha on You (Nov. 28, 2008)

Steph

Ha ha on me? Ha ha on you. I’m still govorner, in case you like didn’t notice, and now I’m readin hear on the TV news that you’re quitting just before you finally get to be president of Canada. And after all that backroom wheelin and dealin! You sure you aren’t some Republican in disguise? You get so, so close, and then WHOOPS!

People been making fun of my turkey video, but you know what? I don’t care. Eatin turkeys is part of the American dream, and anyone who thinks them turkeys just appear on the table need to learn something about good old-fashioned American slaughterhousing.

People are also been making fun of your video, and that’s more like it, because it was pretty stupid, Steph. Now you understand why you need people around you to say “maybe you better not talk to the public, Sarah. Or Steph.”

See, I came close, at least, and I lost because the people voted it so. You’re out because your own people want you gone, and that’s pretty major in the failure department.

So listen, once you’re gone, I hope you can take the time to head on up here to Alaska. Todd and me’ll take you fishing, treat you to a moose steak and we can talk about life in politics …. wait, no! Not a chance! Go back to France or wherever you’re from and quit bothering me, nerd.

Enjoy your forced retirement,

Regards,

Still Govorner Sarah Palin
Govorner of Alaska

p.s. I heard you filmed your official address to the nation video with some kid’s cellphone. I didn’t believe that until I finally seen it.

YouTube Got Wider II

Remember how I pointed out that YouTube’s window had suddenly gotten wider?

It seems to be part of a move to HD video on the sharing site. I decided to carry out some serious scientific and also YouTubic investigation of this concept, and after almost five minutes of research have determined that:

1. YouTube’s flash video technology can support HD, given the increase in bandwidth offered by ISPs on a global level
2. Viewers have tired of low-res fast-loading grainy home movie clips (and 10-minute segments of their favourite TV shows and/or movies).
3. We can now all watch Digital Shorts in HD. Here’s one called Jizz In My Pants.
4. Andy Samberg is pretty funny, but has weird hair.
5. That video was kind of stupid, but funny. But also stupid. And I made up some of that sciencey stuff earlier.