Worst Song Ever

I can’t even describe it. This is the video. Good God, it has bad puns and Ted Nugent rapping, all at once.

When you watch this, you can see three things right off the bat. First, The Don is spectacularly untalented. And second, he somehow thought sampling Cat Scratch Fever meant he had to invite Ted Nugent to make rhymes up off the top of his head. And third, they both thought this was going to be huge. “It’s Ted Nugent and The Don in 91!” Uh, no, it wasn’t.

Today’s Moron: Cereal-Eating Driver

Today’s Moron is an Ontario woman charged with careless driving after an accident near the small city of Woodstock yesterday.

Police showed up at the scene of a single-vehicle crash and found a young woman behind the wheel of a wrecked car. She was undoubtedly upset, maybe crying … and covered in milk and sticky cereal.

I don't know what kind of cereal it was, but it definitely wasn't this.

The officers at the scene reported that she had been eating a bowl of cereal while driving. To make it worse, Woodstock was hit with a monster lake-effect winter storm yesterday, so conditions were abysmal: blowing snow, two-foot accumulations, howling winds, low visibility. In other words, exactly the time to keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel.

I’m not going to name her, because she isn’t guilty of anything, not yet. But hypothetically, if she was in fact eating cereal … what the hell?

Ontario is in the process of passing a new law that will ban the use of cellphones and other hand-held electronic devices while behind the wheel, and this makes sense to me. I’ll admit I’m guilty of sometimes using my cell phone while driving, but I try to avoid it whenever possible, and I never do it when the kids are in the minivan. I have enough issues with driving as it is, stemming from a near-fatal, body-wrecking car wreck in 2000 that has me limping and gimping to this day.

I don’t like it when I see obviously distracted drivers, and we all know the story of the Los Angeles train operator who was allegedly texting when the crash happened, killing 25 passengers. But this, if true, takes it to a whole new level. You’ve eaten cereal out of a bowl. If you’re doing it away from a table, you know it takes some balance, and, of course, both hands. Can you imagine trying it while driving? In a storm?

The stupidity of this is beyond words. Wait, no, it isn’t: it’s ridinkulous.