See this trailer here? It’s a hoax. It’s a fake imaginary ad for a hypothetical movie that does not exist. Same goes for this imdb.com page. And all these news articles. Imaginary, folks. Not true. There is no such movie as 2012.
This is what my colleague Buddy told me. You remember Buddy, don’t you? He’s the holy-rolling dinosaur-denying creationist who thinks the Earth is 6,000 years old and anyone who says otherwise was sent by the devil. Also, he likes to look at the ladies online.
Anyway, he’s been on a real end-times tear lately, talking about how the Mayans got it right and the world is going to end in 2012. (He and I have been down this road before). So last night, I came across the trailer for the new movie 2012 and sent him the link on Facebook, thinking he might find it interesting. Wait, no, I did it to bug him.
And it worked. He wrote me back to tell me that this movie does not exist, will never exist, because God told Noah he would never make the waters rise again (There are people in Indonesia, New Orleans and across the Caribbean who would likely disagree with that statement).
So I pushed him on it. And he told me the devil frequently creates things like this to tempt us and trick us and fool us into thinking the end times are just a fantasy. Then Lucifer can swoop in and fuck us over royally. I didn’t realize the devil had a YouTube account, but I guess it makes sense when you think about it.
I’m just relieved to know that I won’t have to worry about deciding to not go see Roland Emmerich’s latest end-of-the-world disaster epic. I saw The Day After Tomorrow in the theatre, and I felt really bad about wasting the money afterwards. Now, when this 2012 movie doesn’t actually open on July 10, I won’t have to worry about it. I’ll just see Star Trek 21 times instead of 20.