Top 10 Names For Toronto’s New Hockey TeamOctober 23, 2008
So, IF the NHL decides to expand into Toronto with a second team, and IF that team goes to BlackBerrier Jim Balsillie, and IF the powers that be decide to go with a stupid kind of name, here are my 10 ideas for a team name:
The Toronto Toros. This was the name of the WHA team in the 70s, which sucked, but had a decent name and a good logo. Colours: Bullfighter red and white, like the flag.
The Toronto Tornado. Because in the 1950s, Toronto was hit by a rare Great Lakes hurricane, named Hurricane Hazel … no, I think naming sports teams after disasters is wrong. Colours: Black on grey, like the weather.
The Toronto Cannons. Why? Okay, this is kind of obscure, but during the War of 1812, Toronto was a key naval base, sending ships out to fire cannons at American vessels. So the colours would be gunship grey and smoke black, and also, remember, that Canada won that war.
The Ontario Voyageurs. Because something is always called Voyageurs here, and I don’t really know why. Colours: Blue and white, for the water and the waves. I know, but they teach us this shit in school.
The Ontario Capitols. Yeah, there’s a team called The Washington Capitals, but this is spelled differently. If the CFL can have a team called the Rough Riders and a team called the Roughriders, the NHL can have two sets of Caps. Colours: Red, white and blue, just because.
The Toronto Storm. It’s the new BlackBerry, after all. And it’s a good name. The OHL has a Guelph Storm, and I think one of the American minor leagues has a Storm, too. Colours: Black, with touchscreen jersey.
The Toronto Bold. Same idea. RIM will work a product placement in there somewhere. Colours: Black with fake leather down the back.
The Toronto Curve. I thought this up as a joke, but it actually makes sense as a hockey team name. The curve of the stick is a defining element of a player’s shot, after all. Colours: Red and white, because it’s patriotic, and wrist shots are cool.
The Toronto Pearls. This is the point where you say ‘Enough with the stupid RIM names. No, it didn’t work out for the Mighty Ducks, so please do not name our team after your dumbest product.’ Colours: Pale pink and silver.
The Toronto Balsillies. No, don’t laugh. Say it out loud. See? It’s the best last name ever, and it’s as good a team name as anything out there. Colours: Whatever Jim says they’ll be.