Today’s Moron: The Killer Power RangerOctober 21, 2008
Today’s Moron is a person called Skylar Deleon, who used to be a “child actor,” but was so spectacularly untalented he got a job on a hot TV show but wasn’t allowed to speak any of the brilliant dialogue while appearing in the background. This was Mighty Moron Power Rangers, an epic of storytelling, as you well know, so anyone who can’t master that dialogue is probably a little dim. Wait, here’s a photo. Yeah, that’s quite the face.
Where is he today? He’s a murderer in prison.
Skylar went to jail for, uh, tying a married couple to an anchor and tossing them into the Pacific, drowning them in a plot to steal their $500,000 yacht. He also killed another guy a while earlier, and that was included in his trial.
Here’s the weird part: Skylar teamed up with two other morons to pull off the yacht crime, which involved pretending to be buyers, luring the couple out on the water, and carrying out the crime. One was a guy named John F. Kennedy. No lie. The other was a real champ named Alonso Machain, who, when arrested, spilled the beans on the JFK/Power Rangers conspiracy. The plan was this: they made the couple sign their names on the title to the boat, then sent them to the briny deep. Their bodies have never been found. This is evil.
To cap off Deleon’s glorious, epic-level moronity, when he was questioned by police looking into the couple’s disappearance, he admitted buying their boat, but said he didn’t know where they’d gone after that. He then told police he bought the boat to launder money he’d stolen earlier. You know, just so they had all the facts. After he was arrested, he pleaded not guilty, and kept saying he was not guilty despite all the evidence, until the first day of his trial, when his lawyer told the jury, well, yeah, he did it, but please don’t give him the death penalty, because had had a difficult childhood.
I don’t get crooks.
I don’t understand how three criminals with long records, one of whom was a TV actor and one of whom was named John Fucking Kennedy, could even work out this elaborate scheme that falls apart the minute anyone looks at it. Oh, you jobless fartheads just bought this yacht right before the previous owners vanished while showing it to you? Sorry to bother you, boys. Sail on.
Good detective work is to be admired. But sometimes it isn’t necessary. This is one of those times. Also, I wonder how the name ‘Skylar’ is going to go over in prison.
While in prison, Skylar did something to himself so horrendous that I won’t describe it. You can google it if you want to know more. But it isn’t pretty.
UPDATE: November 6, 2008: Death sentence for Skylar Deleon.