I received a question from Marius a couple of days ago. He wanted to know if we called mullets “mullets” back in the day, or whether we had another name for them. He said he couldn’t remember them being called that in the actual ’80s.
It’s a good question. At first I just said “Of course we did.” But then I thought about it, and after spending far too much time thinking about mullets today, I have concluded that we didn’t actually use that word back then.
As best as I can recall, the haircut so many of us sported — long in the back, shorter on the sides and front — was known as “long hair,” “long in back,” or “hockey hair.” It was designed, I guess, to fit under a hockey helmet. Its use was pioneered by rock stars like Journey and Quiet Riot, but later Billy Ray Cyrus ruined it for all of us.
I had a mullet by mistake. This would have been around 1985 or 86. My plan was to avoid mulletry altogether and grow just regular long hair, but it was getting unruly, and I had to find a summer job. So I went to my old Italian barber and told him: “Clean it up, but I don’t want to lose any length.”
With two or three snips and clips, he’d mulletized the right side of my head. “Fine,” I said. “Do the rest.”
Then I wore it in a ponytail for a while, a mullet ponytail, which is about the stupidest thing anyone can do to their hair. I had long hair for a few more years after that, but in the end it was pretty clear it was time for it to go.
Judge for yourself. This is me circa 1987:
Yes, yes, I know, I know. If it’s any consolation, my jeans were very tight.
Those days are over. Anyway, here are some places to look for more on the mighty mullets of yesterday … and the ones still around today.
And if you go to the Wikipedia page on mullets, you can learn more about the various types of mullets — for example, the skullet, which is long at the back and bald on top, like Kim Mitchell. You will also be surprised to learn the history of mulletry, which includes a mention in Homer’s Iliad. Wikipedia also mentions an urban legend with a source for the name: 19th-century mullet fisherman wore their hair long at the back to keep their necks warm. But that’s Wikipedia.
Another, and far more interesting, origin for the name can be found at a few online sources. The story goes like this: “Mullet-head” was a slang word for moron, based on the odd head shape of the fish known as the mullet. In 1994, The Beastie Boys used that slang for a song title, with lyrics linking stupidity to people who wear their hair like that. From there, the usage spread, and even as the hairstyle died out (more or less, you can still find them at Wal-Mart), the name was applied retroactively. Beastie Mike D even took credit for it in a magazine article in which he laid out his disdain for people with that hairstyle. This makes sense to me. The more times I read this story, the more I remembered the song and the word … thanks, Beastie Boys.
So Marius is right. We didn’t call them mullets when we actually had them.
In related news, I am considering growing a new mullet. I mean, look at those photos up there. I will grow a new mullet, and you will feel its power. Oh, yes. There will be mullet.
Today’s Moron is a guy from Tyndall, Manitoba, who is suing the mother of his child in a stupid bid to get out of paying child support.
