Who’s more like Captain Kirk? John McCain? Or Barack Obama? On the surface, they’re exactly alike: bold Americans, leaders, famous, comfortable in velour. But if you dig deeper, you find differences. Plus I can assure you that at least one of them is imaginary. I’ve done the careful research.
Barack Obama vs. Captain Kirk
- 10. Obama is pretty young to be president. Kirk was pretty young to be a starship captain.
- 9. Obama is known for his compelling speeches and distinctive cadence. So … was … Captain … Kirk.
- 8. Obama was a community organizer in Chicago, helping the poor. Kirk interfered with the prime directive a few times and helped oppressed aliens beings.
- 7. Obama’s right-hand man is an older guy hailed as the voice of experience and reason. Kirk’s right-hand man was a Vulcan.
- 6. Obama is endorsed by Oprah. Kirk hit on Oprah. Well, he would have, and you know it.
- 5. Obama made a memorable appearance on Saturday Night Live. William Shatner skewered his fans on Saturday Night Live.
- 4. Obama takes his shirt off and runs around. Captain Kirk takes his shirt off and rolls around.
- 3. Obama lost a congressional primary to Bobby Rush. Captain Kirk fought a Gorn.
- 2. Obama was on the cover of Time, which helped introduce him to the nation. Captain Kirk travelled through time, where he stole two whales.
- 1. Obama is a man of honour, pride and strength. And Captain Kirk is a man of honour, pride and strength. Just ask him.
John McCain vs. Captain Kirk
- 10. McCain would be the oldest president. Captain Kirk was once artificially aged by radiation.
- 9. McCain really wanted to hang out with a grumpy old guy (Joe Lieberman). Kirk liked hanging out with a grumpy old guy (Dr. McCoy)
- 8. McCain says one thing one day, then forgets and says something else the next. When Kirk was artificially aged, he said one thing one day, then forgot and said it again.
- 7. McCain has difficulty with mobility. When Kirk was artificially aged, he had difficulty with mobility, and also once fell asleep in the command chair.
- 6. McCain left his first wife for an attractive younger woman, and has been forced of late to work with an attractive younger woman. When Kirk was artificially aged, he was surrounded by attractive younger women, and it didn’t matter how old he was, because he was still Kirk.
- 5. McCain was welcomed back from POW camp by President Richard Nixon. Kirk once met President Abraham Lincoln in space.
- 4. McCain has several children with parentage that takes some explaining. Kirk probably has children across the galaxy, which takes no explaining, because he’s Kirk.
- 3. McCain was shot down over Hanoi. Kirk was shot down by Carol Marcus.
- 2. McCain doesn’t remember how many houses he has. Kirk can’t remember how many planets he’s visited.
- 1. McCain has an interesting viewpoint on the state of the economy, so he paints himself as a fiscal crusader, hoping voters will follow him. Captain Kirk doesn’t use money, because he’s from the future, so he lets women buy him pizza and beer and they follow him everywhere.
But you knew that coming in.
“I think we should put the five-year mission on hold.
I have something else to do.”